The Art of Surrendering – Why We Struggle to Let Go & Trust Our Soul

In this Soul teaching on the art of surrendering – why we struggle to let go & trust our soul you will learn:

• What it means to truly surrender
• What makes us believe that we are surrendering when we are not
• How our need for control makes surrendering so difficult
• How to restore the broken trust between the ego and the soul
• And more….

Oh, you think you’ve surrendered?! Guess again…

When it comes to surrendering the majority of humanity hasn’t got a clue; they may say that they are surrendered, but this is hardly ever true. That may sound like a bold statement, but hear me out because in this Soul teaching on surrender I am going to show you the difference between true surrender and surrendering while still holding on by the pinkies (even if only subconsciously) which is of course not really surrendering at all.

I am going to refer to Twin Flames in this teaching and I know people love to compartmentalize things but surrendering is NOT a specific Twin Flame thing, nor is inner union, Ascension, Kundalini awakening, and so on. The problem with many people still stuck in dualistic thinking is that they can’t see from the perspective of Oneness. They continue to think in either/or which is the old paradigm, the new paradigm is and/and. What this means is that all these spiritual concepts remain the same, whether you identify with the Twin Flame journey or not. One of the biggest problems in both the spiritual as well as the Twin Flame community is the idea that what is relevant to the one is irrelevant to the other, which is either/or thinking on both sides of the aisle. Spirituality is timeless and immutable, it doesn’t miraculously change because you have met your Twin Flame or become any different if you haven’t. Just like the laws of gravity don’t just apply to some, there is no special set of spiritual laws that applies to one group, but not to the other.

With that said, let me give you an example from my Twin Flame days when I had a Facebook group of over 250 students that had bought my program and one of them posted that she had blocked her Twin Flame and was ‘surrendering’ her connection and of course, everyone was congratulating her and giving their support. The only problem was that blocking someone is not surrendering and so I was left with no option but to address that within the group. I have summarized what the post came down to because it was long and I don’t remember the exact wording, but what stuck by me all these years is that the person who posted it genuinely believed that she was surrendering the connection and was so in shock when I tried to help her see that it wasn’t that I actually had to call her and explain it to her a couple of times because she couldn’t wrap her head around it. In her mind she was truly surrendering, I’ll address later on why people can be convinced that they are surrendering when they are not.

Of course, anyone is always free to block someone if they feel the need to do so. But you can’t block someone and simultaneously say that this is surrendering because blocking someone is anything but surrendering. Blocking someone is pushing them away or exiling them while surrendering is putting the relationship you have with this person in the Divine’s hands and having your soul or a higher power decide what needs to happen next.

When you block someone, you have already decided what is happening next because you are cutting the other person off – which is why this is not surrendering.

Blocking is a decision that is made on the ego or personality level while surrendering is about calling in the highest possible outcome or solution for everyone involved. You could say that the one action is from the lower self, while the other action is asking the higher self to bring into the connection or situation what is needed to bring harmony, joy, peace, a solution, and so on. When you block someone, you are taking matters into your own hands, while when you surrender you are putting whatever you are struggling with in the hands of the Divine.

Now if you aren’t in a situation where someone else is not giving you what you want, which is the biggest struggle for Twin Flames – you will certainly recognize other areas in your life where you wanted something that you couldn’t get or that things went differently than what you had hoped for. Trying to help things along, or make them go your way is the antithesis of surrender. Yet, that is what most people do and then tell themselves they are surrendering when in the meantime they are energetically all over whatever they are claiming to surrender in fear that God, the Universe, or their soul won’t give it to them. Think of that baby you might want, that promotion, the client(s), the vacation, the car, the revenue, the business deal, the house, and so on.

The biggest reason people struggle to manifest what they want is because they can’t let go of it long enough for it to manifest, aka surrender. As Florence Scovel Shinn grandmother of metaphysics put it: ‘The things we rightly desire come to pass when we have taken the clutch off.’

Surrender on the Twin Flame journey

If you are on the Twin Flame journey, you are taking a crash course in surrendering. These connections demand that you learn to surrender, there are no two ways about it. But most people on the Twin Flame journey struggle to surrender as well, like the example above they usually first whack their twin over the head so to speak, and then ‘surrender’. Whether they call it exerting boundaries or standing up for themselves, what they are usually doing is pushing the other to give them what they want; whether it’s a relationship, reciprocity, mutuality, etc. Twin A’s needs are not being met and now they try various often subconscious ways to MAKE the other person (Twin B) give them what they want or make them pay for not giving them what they want.

Some of you might be thinking ‘That’s not true!’ But here’s the thing, surrender is not an action in that you need to speak, ignore, block, convince, force, coerce, guilt, punish, manipulate or otherwise try to change someone else’s behavior. You also don’t need to walk away, make ’em pay, find someone else, break up, threaten to leave, ask for a divorce, etc. None of this is surrendering, As soon as we are wanting to go into ultimatums we aren’t surrendering anything, we’re pushing.

We’re trying to get OUR way and surrendering is the opposite of this kind of behavior.

It’s just more either/or thinking. Either give me what I want or else… and there goes unconditional love flying out the window. Which doesn’t mean that you should allow someone to walk all over you because that’s just the other end of the spectrum which keeps you firmly stuck in either/or thinking.

The problem is that you can’t let this person go, but that is what surrender is. Because you can’t let go, you either try to change the other or you try to change yourself in order not to lose the other. This is what keeps Twin Flames going in circles endlessly, the fear that if they let this person go that they will never experience this kind of love ever again.

But because the whole Twin Flame connection is about learning to surrender, they don’t get to pass ‘Go!’ and collect $200 – they are stuck in jail. A self-created jail at that, because of their fear of losing this special connection with this other person.

So, if you identify with being a Twin Flame, then the only way to pass ‘Go!’ and collect $200 is by being willing to let go of this person and let go of the (romantic) outcome you desire with them. Instead, the majority of Twin Flames find themselves in third-party situations waiting for their twin to dump their karmic and come back to them. If there isn’t a third-party situation, there’s something else keeping them apart such as a big age difference, long distance, sexual orientation, and so on. Even being together, often doesn’t solve the problem because even Twin Flames in a physical ‘union’ can still have issues keeping them apart under the same roof which is true for many quote-unquote normal marriages too.

Surrender is the answer, but letting go does NOT mean pushing someone away because that is just more either/or reactionary behavior.

What surrendering really looks like

The question then becomes what is surrender then?
Surrender is fully accepting what you don’t want to accept.

It’s letting go of how YOU wanted it to be. That’s it. It’s not complicated, it’s not rocket science. It’s in fact quite easy, what makes it hard is our OWN ATTACHMENTS towards the outcome we desire and again this is true whether we are talking about babies, promotions, client(s), love relationships, or any other thing, person, or experience we deeply desire.

To truly surrender means to let go of desired outcomes, let go of expectations, fully accept things as they are, and above all to let go of pursuing our own agendas. It means to trust that God’s (the Universe’s) or your soul’s plans, also called the Divine plan is perfect and will give you everything you need beyond your wildest dreams.

But herein lies the root of the problem…

Do you know how many times people have asked me ‘But what if my soul wants something different than what I want?‘ because they still completely identify as being the ego/personality they see their soul as a separate entity that might not give them what they want. When we are talking in terms of Inner Union, these people’s egos (personality) are in a tug of war with their souls. This is not meant as a judgment, but to illustrate how little trust there is from the ego/personality towards the soul (which we will discuss more in detail further on in this teaching).

Another misunderstanding that people have is to think that in order to let go, they have to force themselves to not want what they want anymore. Letting go does NOT mean, not wanting something anymore. That is not letting go, that is merely going from one end of the spectrum to the other – more either/or energy. When you let go, you still want the things you would love to have but you are willing to offer them up to the Divine. You are willing to let go of them and be happy without them.

You take your energy off of them and trust that if they are meant for you, you will have them.

As Florence Scovel Shinn wrote in the Secret Door to Success:
‘Your big opportunity and big success usually slide in, when you least expect it. You have to let go long enough for the great law of attraction to operate. You never saw a worried and anxious magnet. It stands up straight and hasn’t a care in the world because it knows needles can’t help jumping to it.

I say in my correspondence course, Do not let your heart’s desire become your heart’s disease.” You are completely demagnetized when you desire something too intensely. You worry, fear, and agonize. There is an occult law of indifference – “None of these things move me.” Your ships come in over a don’t care sea.’

The biggest problem is that people want whatever they want so badly that they block it, instead of creating the energetic space to receive it.

Here’s why; the consequence of not surrendering is blocked energy or blocked flow. It was Swiss psychiatrist and founder of psychoanalysis Carl Jung who said; ‘...what you resist not only persists but will grow in size.‘ Holding on to something, and refusing to let it go will only create more of what you don’t want because of your own resistance to the reality that doesn’t match up with how YOU want it to be.

This doesn’t mean you should roll over and play dead while life just happens to you. You can take inspired action when you feel the inner prompt but don’t kid yourself that calling your ex to come to pick up his stuff is inspired action – because that’s just more of taking matters into your own hands to for example force clarity. Inspired action comes from the clarity we get when we truly surrender, it’s when we let go and are okay with not having what we want that we are potentially guided to a solution. However, simply trying to let go with the expectation of then miraculously getting what we want is not actually letting go of course.

Letting go means being okay with potentially not getting what you want and if you’re not okay with that, then of course you haven’t let go.

Why surrendering is so difficult for us

What makes surrendering or truly letting go so incredibly difficult for us is our fear of not being able to have what we want. That’s it. It’s our fear that makes us clutch onto something, someone, or a desired experience or outcome afraid that if we let go – we won’t get what we want.

When it comes down to it the fear we feel is the ego or the personality that is afraid that it can’t trust the Divine (God/The Universe/Our soul) to give us what we want. Our inability to surrender is indicative of the level of distrust our ego/personality has towards the Divine. For if it trusted the Divine, there would be no fear of not getting what it wants. The more difficult we find it to let something or someone go, the deeper the separation between the ego and the soul. We may find some things or people easier to let go of than others, but that is only because the outcome isn’t as important to us. You could also say that our sense of identity wasn’t as much wrapped up in them.

We are afraid to surrender because we are afraid that if we let go, what we want will be snatched away from us. It will be lost and we will not be able to have it. You could say that our attachments to the person, thing, or experience are what makes us not willing to risk not having them and this is often because we tell ourselves that having this person. thing or experience is going to make us happy or fulfill some other need. So it’s not only the person, thing, or experience that we now fear to lose but also the need we think this will fill which creates an even deeper attachment. The deeper we are attached to something or someone, the more reluctant we will be to let it/them go – even if we don’t actually have it/them yet. Our desire to have [fill in the blank….. ] is the attachment.

It’s these ego attachments that drive us to hold on even tighter, making it even more difficult to let go.

How the wounded ego keeps us from true surrender

Surrendering is like floating in the water where you relax your body and trust that if you simply give your body to the water it will carry you in the direction that the water wants to flow. In order to be able to float you need to let go of how fast you’re going to go or how slow as well as let go of where the water will take you because as soon as you try to dictate to the water where you want to go you need to move your arms and legs which is called swimming. Floating in water calls for a letting go of control and trusting both in your ability to stay relaxed (float) as well as trust that you are safe in the body of water that you are floating in.

If you are good at floating it means that you feel safe in the water and that you trust that the water will carry the weight of your body perfectly. This is a great analogy for surrendering because when it comes to trusting their soul many people are suddenly aquaphobic; they either don’t dare to go in the water, they want to be able to hold on to the ledge or they can only go as far into the water as where their feet touch the bottom. It will be nearly impossible for someone who does not feel safe in water to be able to float, their fear of water will make them too afraid to even try. In the same way, when someone doesn’t trust their soul – how can they let go of control?

This is the biggest hurdle humans face when it comes to surrendering or letting go, the ego/personality doesn’t trust the Divine (God/the Universe) or the soul which is the Divine aspect of the self. But here’s the thing, the soul is the only true self, as the ego was only created as a temporary aspect of the self in order to play the incarnation game. Read this Soul teaching on why the ego is not the enemy, to get a better understanding of the role the ego plays in the incarnation process.

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

The soul is who we truly are and although we can grasp this concept on a mental level (Yes, I know you already know all of this), LIVING IT is something completely different. We can know that the soul is our true self and yet still live our lives as the personality that is created around the ego, which is actually the false self. The reason that this conditioning is so hard to break is because we aren’t just dealing with the ego’s experience from this lifetime, that might be reinforced by the ancestral wounding you volunteered to take on from your ancestors. No, we are dealing with all the past life wounding since your soul split from Source that the ego is still as it were, ‘holding against’ the soul to put it in human terms.

This is because our sense of separation called ahamkara in Sanskrit which is the equivalent of the ego in modern psychology is held in the causal body (the causal body has been discussed earlier in this teaching on where trauma is stored). The word ‘ahamkara’ means the I-making. On a soul level, there’s only Oneness and so we need the ego, this I-making in order to live in the illusion of separation. This is called Māyā in Indian philosophy which literally means “illusion” or “magic” and refers to life in the physical, that is seen as “constantly changing and thus spiritually unreal” Source; Wikipedia

The causal body not only holds our sense of separation, but it also holds our karmic templates and as discussed in the teaching on a new paradigm perspective on karma our karmic templates don’t only hold the memories of us hurting others, it also holds the unresolved pain and trauma from the lifetimes where others have hurt us. Everything that is left unresolved at the end of a lifetime is stored here in our karmic templates.

Each new lifetime, the soul creates the new incarnation from these karmic templates as it creates all aspects of the subtle and physical bodies. This includes deformities, our physical appearance, and IQ, as well as mental and emotional tendencies, as it sets the stage to allow us to bring into our current incarnation what needs to be healed or resolved.

Each incarnation is created from this central sense of separate self with the subconscious memory of every experience it has had since it split from Source. The personality dies at the end of each lifetime, but the experiences the personality had during that lifetime are all thrown onto this big pile of experiences ‘the separate self’ has had throughout lifetimes and lifetimes. This is what we call the wounded ego, that not only carries the unresolved pain from this lifetime but from all lifetimes. In Hinduism & Buddhism, this unresolved pain is called samskara; a mental conformation or latent karmic tendency shaping one’s present life.

When we die, it is the causal body also known as the karmic body that follows us from lifetime to lifetime carrying our karmic records with it. In a sense, the karmic body never dies, as it is not really alive, to begin with. It is a seed sustained by karma. When one’s karma has been exhausted, it releases the person’s individual consciousness to merge back into the ocean of pure consciousness – aka Oneness.

Every incarnation we take a chunk of this wounding (unresolved pain) with us into the upcoming lifetime in order to heal it. This pulls in the people, situations, and experiences we need to bring our unresolved pain into our conscious awareness. Still, because of how hurt we have been in the past (childhood/ancestral/past life) we often fail to recognize the opportunity to heal and end up adding these new experiences meant to heal us to the pile of painful baggage we were already carrying. Often creating a vicious circle that we can remain stuck in for lifetimes and lifetimes.

In the end, it all boils down to this; the more wounded our sense of self (ahamkara) is, the more difficult we will find it to trust our soul.

Control as a defense or survival mechanism

Likewise the more wounded our sense of self is the more we will feel the need to be in control in order to feel safe. Wounding increases our need to separate further in order to protect ourselves which is a survival mechanism. This is also the ego’s job, the ego was created to protect us while we are living in the illusion of separation, this state of Māyā. But separation is not our natural state, Oneness is and there was a time when our soul and our separate sense of self (the ego) were working together or you could say were joining forces.

It’s our unresolved pain or wounding that is keeping the wounded ego in a state of tug of war with the soul. The ego remembers things differently than the soul and feels let down, rejected, abandoned, and so on by both the soul and the Divine. The ego has beef with the soul because it blames the soul for not protecting the ego, or taking things away that it really treasured. It blames the Divine for the pain and suffering it has experienced, all the while not realizing that it has subconsciously created all its pain and suffering because of its own misinterpretations and attachments.

When the wounded ego is healed it can clearly see that nobody ever did it to him/her, it realizes that it was the do-er and the done-to all rolled up into one.

This solves the mystery as to why people think they are surrendering or letting go when they are clearly not. The wounded ego’s need for control is subconscious and therefore executed outside of our conscious awareness. Control is the opposite of surrender – control is of course when we take matters into our own hands, while surrender is when we can put things in the Divine’s hands. However, control is a survival mechanism as well as a defense mechanism to protect us from getting hurt even more. Survival and defense mechanisms are involuntary (until they are made conscious and healed). They are triggered as soon as the wounded ego feels unsafe, similar to a reflex completely automatical and without the personality often even registering that it happened.

This means that the wounded ego’s kneejerk reaction is to cease control, to take matters into its own hands and this is what stops us from truly surrendering.

Even when we consciously know that surrendering is the solution or when we consciously decide to surrender, our underlying need to feel in control in order to feel safe will NOT allow us to surrender because deep down we believe that not being in control is unsafe.

This is why my client was baffled that I told her that she wasn’t surrendering by blocking her Twin Flame and why I had to explain to her a couple of times that her reaction was simply a trauma response. Because I had worked with her in the Akashic Records before I could help her piece together that she was actually responding from an unresolved painful experience in her childhood that was being triggered by her Twin Flame’s behavior. In the midst of her unresolved childhood pain being triggered, blocking him was merely a way of protecting herself from being hurt again, it was a defense mechanism. Once she was able to see this, she was able to see that she had taken matters into her own hands and that this was not the same as surrendering.

The problem is that it’s all subconscious

I have been doing this inner work for quite some time (decades to be exact) and yet recently I had a session with a healer where it became clear that I had this place in my heart where I wouldn’t allow anyone in, not even myself or the Divine. Instead, I kept this space as a Plan B in case God’s plans for me didn’t work out. That’s how deep this subconscious conditioning runs.

On a conscious level, I don’t do Plan B’s. I don’t believe in them. I believe that having backup plans splits energy and therefore it has you unwittingly preparing for failure. I prefer putting all my energy in one place to work towards one goal in order to achieve it.

On a subconscious level, there was still a part of me however small that had this tiny little place it kept separate and locked off just in case… This was a survival mechanism that I had created just in case God or the Divine couldn’t be fully trusted or my interpretation of the Divine was somehow faulty.

Our subconscious beliefs will always trump our conscious beliefs, which cancels them out – simply because the subconscious is infinitely more powerful than the conscious. This is what results in us thinking we are surrendering, while in the meantime we are holding on by the pinkies – refusing to fully let go. We might consciously want to surrender but subconsciously we are not willing to let go for all the reasons discussed above.

The solution then to manifesting Heaven on Earth or the life you dream of is healing the separation between the ego and the soul. The more you heal the wounded ego, the more it will feel safe in trusting the soul. It’s about getting the ego and the soul on the same page which is where we need them to be in order to be able to truly surrender and unlock our soul’s superpower.

In order to heal the wounded ego, we need to work in the subconscious where the wounding is held. The Soul Embodiment® Therapy method is one of the best methods available to make the subconscious conscious in order to heal it. This is because we work directly in the karmic templates held in the causal body that we can access through the Akashic Records.

What makes the Soul Embodiment® Therapy method different from other modalities that work with the Akashic Records is that it allows the client to experience what is in their Akashic Records first-hand as opposed to someone reading them for you, this allows for a deeper release and integration than when someone else tells you what they see.

Being able to see/know and feel for yourself what has happened in your past and clearly understand how that experience is still influencing you today is so much more powerful than someone telling you what they see and it is less flawed as well. When you rely on someone to see for you, you risk them being wrong. Do not get me started on how often psychics or energy readers are wrong in general or are seeing things through the lens of their own wounding.

That is the beauty of the Akashic Record, that you can tap into the highest truth on a soul level which is so much more reliable than relying on others to see for you. Especially because many people with the gift of sight, don’t feel they need to work on their own healing. What they don’t realize though is that when they don’t sufficiently work through their own healing, their wounding bleeds through in how they perceive reality. This is because our trauma filter skews how we interpret life, whether we are clairvoyant, claircognizant, clairsentient, clairaudient, or none of the above. Our subconscious unresolved pain distorts our ability to perceive things as they really are because we see everything and everyone through the lens of our wounding.

Working within the Akashic Records allows you to circumvent this issue because it allows you to see your past from the highest perspective. The stories in the Akashic Records are often just a story like all stories, but it’s not about the stories. It’s about the stuck emotions that we hold around the story and the fears or false beliefs (misinterpretations) we created through living these stories that have created our unresolved pain and wounding. That’s what we focus on in the Soul Embodiment® Therapy journeys in order to heal the wounded ego as well as heal the separation between the ego and the soul.

Working within the Akashic Records allows you to go back and see the truth that you were unable to see before because you were being blinded by the unresolved pain that was distorting your perception of reality. Once you have seen the truth, you cannot unsee it and it is through seeing the truth that the memory of that experience is reprogrammed in the subconscious mind, often creating deep transformation in as little as one single session. This is because we are addressing the root cause of our unresolved pain at the level that it was created – which is the soul path level aka the wounded ‘sense of separate self’ that is held within the causal body.

I pray that this teaching on surrendering has given you a better understanding of how the wounded ego’s need for control in order to feel safe is having you subconsciously not be willing to let go (fully) which creates stagnation and lack of flow in the areas where you deeply desire to see movement, fruition and your dreams come true.