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Healing the Patriarchy Series: Part II - T ...

There is great interest these days in balancing our inner masculine and feminine parts, to for example attract the right partner or unlock higher levels of spiritual consciousness. The missing piece however in most teachings is undoing our patriarchal conditioning and...

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Healing the Patriarchy Series: Part I - Th ...

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Energetic Cord-Cutting, Why Your Client Can’t Seem To Cut the Cord With Their Twin Flame Or Anyone Else

by Sabriyé Dubrie

Spiritual author, Multidimensional Healer, Founder of Soul Embodiment® Therapy & the School of Soul Embodiment.

Ultimate Guide to Soul Embodiment

In this Soul teaching energetic cord-cutting, why your client can’t seem to cut the cord with their twin flame or anyone else, you will learn:

  • What the energetic cord-cutting hype is about and where it originated
  • Why cord-cutting isn’t working for your clients, Twin Flame or otherwise
  • How energetic cords are created and why cutting them is not necessary
  • Why trying to cut cords is an ego-based approach
  • And more…

What is energetic cord-cutting?

Cord-cutting is a hype! If you Google energetic cord-cutting you will find a plethora of big names and smaller websites talking about the benefits of cord-cutting and explaining how to cut cords with people, situations, and things. When something is repeated this often, it starts to lead a life of its own and soon it’s being parrotted everywhere without anyone stopping to think why this is even a thing. It becomes such a deeply ingrained belief that it’s never even questioned anymore.

When a belief is so widely accepted it inevitably trickles down into people’s personal lives as well as professional approaches, this is how cord-cutting has also found its way into the work of healers, therapists, and energy-workers. A simple Google search shows that there are also psychologists who work with the concept of cord-cutting with their clients, which indicates that cord-cutting is a common practice in both spiritual and secular traditions. Even PsychologyToday features an article about how to cut an unhealthy bond with someone using a visualizing practice. These examples illustrate how deeply embedded this practice is in both the new age as well as the traditional healing and therapeutic world.

But why would we we actually need to cut cords with people in our lives and what does it really mean to cut cords with someone?

Cord-cutting is a concept that has spilled over into the mainstream and spiritual community from the psychic and magic industry. Although the concept sounds plausible in theory, in this Soul teaching I will break down why the concept of cord-cutting is given more power than is actually warranted. I have also written a short musing on why cord-cutting isn’t really a thing from a Soul’s perspective that you might find interesting to read as well.

Energetic cord-cutting is used to sever unhealthy energetic attachments to something or someone outside of ourselves. These energetic connections or cords are easily made, for example when you make love to someone you energetically cord with them. Marriage is another great example of energetically cording with someone, but also one’s emotions of anger, resentment, hatred, and jealousy create very strong energetic cords that keep us bound to the very people and things we actually want to be free of.

Often even though a client wants nothing more than to move on from a certain person, situation, or thing, it’s their own energetic cords that keep them ensnarled vibrationally. That is where the theory of cord-cutting comes in, it is a vibrational practice to help them sever these unhealthy energetic connections (cords) that are not serving them. But it’s not just current life cords that we are dealing with, you can also have past life or ancestral cording.

But cord-cutting doesn’t address the cause of the cord

The cord-cutting ritual itself is a vibrational process in which you often during a guided meditation visualize the cords and cut them with your favorite cutting instrument (which can be a knife, scissors, a machete, or anything else). There are many variations to this process but this is the part within the process where the cords are ‘cut’ that you will see come back in all cord-cutting rituals.

However, to be able to really cut the unhealthy energetic cords we created in a lasting way, we have to do way more than just a cord-cutting ritual.

The problem with cord-cutting is that it’s more about the cord than looking deeper at what created the cord. Often cords are simply cut without understanding how or why the cord was created or fully acknowledging that the cord was created internally instead of externally. The idea is that as long as we visualize ourselves being cut free from a person, situation, or thing the subconscious mind will simply run with it and reprogram itself accordingly, but having worked intensively with the subconscious mind for the past seven-plus years that’s not how the subconscious mind works. You have to show the subconscious mind the (Soul) truth and that is what triggers it to reprogram a previously held belief which then rewires the brain accordingly.

Visualizing cutting a cord paired with an intention no matter how strong doesn’t trigger this subconscious response, because it doesn’t address the unresolved and often deeply unconscious emotions that created the energetic cord, to begin with (something that I will come back to further on).

As with all hypes, cord-cutting has become a quick fix that people are even encouraged to do on their own without working with a healer, therapist, etc. which leads them away from truly healing the underlying cause. Instead, they go through the motions of the cord-cutting ritual perhaps with deep intentions of releasing themselves once and for all but the true reason why they are energetically corded stays untouched. This makes cord-cutting work as a spiritual bypassing mechanism of the true underlying causes of the energetic attachments people subconsciously create without realizing it.

In other words, the cords aren’t the problem it’s the underlying causes of these energetic cords that need to be addressed. But which then don’t get addressed because all the focus is put on the energetic cords rather than the underlying cause.

Why is cord-cutting not working for my clients?

The reason why cord-cutting doesn’t do much for clients is because these energetic cords don’t need to be cut, and even if they did need to be cut you can’t cut them simply by visualizing the cord and cutting it. Remember, it’s a superficial approach that originated in the psychic and magic industry based on superstition and wishful thinking. It has spilled over into the spiritual community and secular therapy treatments but its origins are from a more occult background that has borrowed it from ancient indigenous practices which often also heavily relied on magic powers or so-called ‘witchcraft’.

‘Cord-cutting rituals have existed for centuries with African and Indigenous roots. The ceremonies may be performed differently depending on the spiritual traditions practiced, but it serves the same purpose — to release a person or persons from energetic ties to another.’ Source: Popsugar.com

Just because something has ancient origins doesn’t make it something worth continuing today, many ancient and indigenous cultures practiced child sacrifice to please and appease the gods, so not everything they did is worth reviving. Before you think this is a hit piece on so-called spiritual practices or indigenous healing methods, it’s not there are science-based reasons that involve the working of the subconscious mind and other psychological processes that explain why these cord-cutting rituals can’t do what they claim.

At this point you may disagree, based on your personal experience either with a client or in your own life where you feel cord-cutting did have the desired effect. This is because of the placebo effect which can be very high in every method. The placebo effect success rate ranges from being around 15% up to 72% effective. This brings me back to ancient and indigenous cultures, living in those times there often wasn’t the knowledge and the solutions we have today, but there was the power of the mind that the Medicine men and women in the tribe actively worked with. There is of course much wisdom that we can learn from indigenous worldviews and healing practices, but this particular practice is overrated and assigned more power than is warranted.

The truth about energetic cords

It’s not that we don’t create energetic cords to people, things, and places, it’s that we don’t need to cut them. These cords dissolve on their own when we do the actual work to heal them. I want to be really clear about this, cord-cutting doesn’t heal anything. It gives us the illusion of healing because it gives us a sense of control in situations where we often feel completely powerless. This becomes clearer when we take a closer look at the situations where we tend to create these energetic attachments.

You could actually say that energetic cords are either created where we don’t want to let go but we are forced to for whatever reason and when we resist things we don’t want in such an intensity that it actually binds us to those people, situations, experiences or things mentally, emotionally and energetically.

Here are some examples of situations in which energetic cords are created:

  • Not being able to get over a situation (abuse, rape, betrayal, etc.), a person or an ex-lover, an inability to move on. This is often caused by trauma when we heal the trauma we see that people are able to move on with their lives.
  • Losing a loved one or a relationship you weren’t ready to let go of, causes feelings of loss, abandonment, and rejection. When we heal these primary emotions there’s no need to cut anything because it is these emotions that paradoxically have people holding on trying to prove their worth or wanting to hold onto someone they still want in their lives (being stuck in denial which is one of the stages of grief).
  • Subconscious trauma bonds from this lifetime and previous lifetimes are created by giving away one’s power. This means that in order to heal trauma bonds the client needs to be assisted in reclaiming their power.
  • Past life karma or trauma with this person, or karma and past life trauma that this person, situation, or experience are simply trying to help you heal. Both trauma and karma are about situations that were left unresolved that we still have stuck emotions around, just like current life trauma this is held within the subconscious mind. We heal these past life ‘cords’ by helping the client make their subconscious conscious and releasing the emotions that are energetically keeping them tethered to their unresolved past. In these instances, we often see that these unresolved past lives are bleeding through in their current lifetime, pulling in the people, situations, and experiences that allow them to find closure (heal the unresolved past) this time around.
  • One’s own subconscious emotions of anger, resentment, unforgiveness, jealousy, grief, etc. from this lifetime, previous lifetimes, or taken on voluntarily through the ancestral lineage. People tend to repress painful emotions which creates energetic ties that bind them to the very situations, things, people, and experiences they want to be rid of. The client needs to be guided in a safe way to allow themselves to feel through these unresolved or repressed emotions which dissolves the energetic ties.
  • Burdens, subconscious patterns, and psychological programming that have been taken on voluntarily through the ancestral lineage or brought in from previous lifetimes. Any burden, emotions, or responsibilities that we are unconsciously carrying for someone else whether that is from our current life lovers or family members, our ancestors, or from past lives needs to be made conscious and then given back to the person that it belongs to. A psychic might see this as the client’s energy being ‘siphoned off’ by someone else but in reality, the client has voluntarily agreed to such dynamics often to make amends for past actions they still carry guilt around or because it helps them trigger deeper past life wounding they are seeking to heal in this lifetime.
  • Past life cords to collective morphic fields such as racism, misogyny, slavery, patriarchy, etc. are created through past life identifications with said morphic field that one still carries unresolved emotions, trauma, or false beliefs around. These unresolved emotions, trauma, or false beliefs need to be made conscious in order to be healed and released.

Seeing the above list makes it quite clear why simply cutting an imaginary cord between people fails to address the deeper underlying issues playing out. This is why this method cannot work, it also exposes the wishful thinking aspect as well as the superficiality of this concept because to truly heal ourselves mentally, emotionally, vibrationally, and spiritually we have to address the root causes of why we are subconsciously creating these energetic cords.

What this concept has backward is the idea that these energetic cords are the problem, when the energetic cords are nothing but the vibrational manifestation of deeper underlying mental and emotional struggles that the client is stuck in. This is why we need to address these deeper underlying mental and emotional struggles, instead of focusing on their byproduct these energetic cords. Because it’s when the client is able to heal the underlying mental and emotional causes, that the energetic cords dissolve on their own.

Why your client can’t seem to cut cords with their Twin Flame

The concept of Twin Flames has also long spilled over from the spiritual community into the mainstream and as a healer or a therapist, you might struggle to work with Twin Flame clients as there is little information out there about this phenomenon. Having worked in the Twin Flame industry as a service provider for five years, I have added a section that specifically addresses the struggles those who identify as Twin Flames face in letting go and moving on from who they feel in their heart is their Divine counterpart, even when this other person has long moved on and is in a relationship with someone else.

For outsiders looking in, the Twin Flame connection often looks like a very toxic connection, which it is in a way, as it brings up the couple’s dysfunctional relationship patterns that need to be healed. It’s not uncommon for healers unfamiliar with the Twin Flame phenomenon to suggest cutting cords with the Twin Flame as a way to help the client let go and move on. You will find that this technique obviously doesn’t work for all the reasons mentioned above but more importantly it doesn’t work in these specific situations because the person who feels left behind by their Twin Flame tends to cling to them, refusing to let go.

Here are some of the reasons why:

  • The Twin Flame represents something the client is seeking outside of themselves. You could say that the Twin Flame is the surrogate for what the client needs to find inside themselves, i.e. feeling loved, happiness, purpose, etc.
  • There can be both past life karma that is being played out as well as past life trauma bonding that is keeping your client tethered to this person emotionally and energetically, this can’t be cut through a visualization practice. The client has to make these subconscious ties conscious so that they can be consciously released.
  • Twin Flames serve as Divine Mirrors, that reflect every untruth the individuals still subconsciously believe about themselves. The primary purpose of the Twin Flame connection is to make the shift back from ego identification to embodying the soul self. In order to do this the client needs to clean up every fear and negative belief that is covering their true nature.
  • On a very practical level, people who have experienced such a deep sense of connection are afraid that any future connection will not be as deep as the one they experienced with the Twin Flame which makes them reluctant to let this person go even when they are being ignored, cut off from contacted or ghosted.

When working with a Twin Flame client it really doesn’t matter if this person is truly their Twin Flame or not, but it does make it more tricky as they are projecting a fairy-tale perfect relationship* onto this connection.

  • This often happens because the relationship never got past the honeymoon phase before the other person left abruptly and without reason, there’s a very traumatic shock element that comes into play when a relationship is abandoned when the couple is still deeply in love or the relationship has not yet had to deal with the reality of life.
  • Another reason for the fairy-tale perfect projection that happens in these types of connections is because the infatuation is only coming from one side, many people who identify with the Twin Flame label are infatuated with a person who either doesn’t know they exist or isn’t aware of their feelings for them.
  • The third group of people that tend to identify with the Twin Flame label are codependent people who are either in abusive or high drama-filled relationships that are on-off a lot, thinking this is part of the Twin Flame process which even if it is part of the process needs to be healed because these are dysfunctional relationship patterns.

*This is true for any kind of romantic relationship, the label ‘Twin Flame’ or ‘Soulmate’ is often used to signify the depth of the connection that is felt. It’s that depth of connection experienced that makes it difficult for clients who have experienced such depth to let the person they experienced this depth with go and be open to someone new.

When working with such clients or any client reluctant to leave a dysfunctional relationship, it’s best to not focus on the relationship but focus on helping the client feel strong enough to release the emotional crutches they are holding onto. Such relationships can feel like a safety blanket to clients even if they are everything BUT safe. Prematurely trying to get them out of their relationship will not work and will often put them on guard which undermines their healing process and the working relationship they have with you.

It’s better to focus on working on the underlying causes that make them choose such partnerships or ‘situationships’, such as codependency, low self-esteem, people-pleasing, and other known patterns that make them subconsciously driven to enter relationship dynamics that are painful. Because even if they would leave their current partner, they would take those same patterns into a new relationship. Statistics show that childhood abuse is a high indicator for being abused later in life while other research shows that women who are abused in relationships tend to stay stuck in cycles of abuse either with their current partner or the next partner.

Labels such as Soulmates or Twin Flame can actually obscure what needs to be healed because people identifying with this label have often filled their heads with nonsense that they have read on the internet about such connections. Although this is not to say that the concepts are false and all information is incorrect, what many of them don’t realize is that the information that they are so eagerly absorbing is offered to them by people who are like them struggling to make sense of their own experience of loss and all their romantic illusions that these so-called experts are projecting onto the subject. Even those service providers now in ‘union’ with their Twin Flame tend to have gone through lengthy separations and usually, these so-called unions crash and burn at the same rate other relationships in the real world do.

Many who identify as Twin Flames live from weekly energy (or astrology) forecast to forecast or watch various YouTube Tarot readings – waiting for the tide to turn in their favor when their lover comes back to them and all shall be put right in their world. They tend to continuously live in a fantasy world and are supplied with their daily or weekly fixes to keep their hopes high or help them through the rough spots when reality hits and their hopes shatter. It’s an industry of the blind leading the blind.

This means that these connections which often turn into obsessions are seen as more ‘special’  or Divine in nature than mere mortal relationships, which leads people to believe that mere mortal solutions won’t solve their problems. This is my biggest critique of this community, that they have their heads so firmly up in the clouds they think that because of how special this connection is to them, this somehow makes them more special,  spiritually advanced, awakened, etc. than others. When even if this is a deep Soul connection, it still requires them to deal (heal) with their human sh*t like everyone else.

As a healer or therapist, you should treat this as any other love relationship because the same type of dynamics are being played out. It’s the fairy-tale perfect relationship being projected onto the connection that prevents people caught up in this dynamic from being able to see this. But in order to have this 5th-dimensional (read soul) partnership with this person that the client so deeply craves, they first need to heal and release their own 3rd-dimensional (human or ego) subconscious programming that is being played out in their Twin Flame or Soulmate relationship dynamic. If you aren’t familiar with these terms and what they mean, I explain the difference between the old 3D and the new 5D paradigm in the Ultimate Guide to Soul Embodiment which you can download for free.

Why cord-cutting is an ego concept

Let’s be real with each other here though, people only want to cut cords in painful situations. No one who is in a healthy and loving relationship is preoccupied with cutting the cords with this person whether the person is their lover, a friend, a family member, or co-worker, etc. Cord-cutting is only practiced in situations where one wants to sever the connection not only physically but on an energetic or maybe even on a ‘soul’ level as well.

If you search through the different websites with articles explaining how to perform cord-cutting rituals you will see them often describing the cords as toxic cords or cords of attachment and so on. Nobody is ever promoting cutting cords of love, happiness, or satisfaction. Which part of us wants to cut out the bad and keep the good? That would be the ego of course, because the Soul isn’t dualistic. Dualism, seeing the two opposites is only possible from a state of separation, which is the ego’s domain. The Soul is not only whole, it is in harmony and connection with everyone and everything. It also views life from this perspective of wholeness and interconnectedness with all that is.

It’s the ego that seeks to end soul contracts prematurely because it experiences them as too painful but of course, just as cords don’t need to be cut, soul contracts don’t need to be ended because they serve a higher purpose that the ego is unable to see from its limited perspective. Instead, cutting cords is the ego’s attempt to regain a sense of control in order to protect itself by wanting to cut this person out of their life or at the very minimum reduce how much this person, situation, or thing affects them. This doesn’t mean you cannot take distance from people or cut ties with them, that’s a matter of healthy boundaries. But we don’t create healthy boundaries by cord-cutting the energetic ties with people or canceling our soul contracts with them which is also not a thing, it’s just more wishful thinking.

I pray this Soul teaching helps you see that cord-cutting is not the miracle solution it is being promoted as and that if you use this process in your work with clients as a professional healer or a therapist it has helped you get a better understanding of how these energetic cords are created and how they need to be dissolved. If you are interested in the Soul Path healing work that I offer through Soul Embodiment® Therapy, you can book a session or package with me or join the Soul Embodiment® Therapy Certification program that I run once a year to become a certified Soul Embodiment® therapist.

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