Healing Relationships – Getting Marriages Off The Rocks

I spoke to a client yesterday whom I worked with earlier this year on healing her relationship dynamic. Her story is such a beautiful example of the power of healing that I asked her permission to anonymously share about the work we did together and how this has transformed her marriage.

Healing Relationships

Healing not only accelerates Ascension, help us manifest our dream life, quantum leap our wealth, and all the other yummy stuff, healing heals relationships whether this is your Twin Flame, your Soulmate, or your current life partner in other ways. It really doesn’t matter what label your relationship carries, working on your own healing can also help heal your relationships in general and your romantic relationship in particular.

This is tricky because healing yourself doesn’t change other people. You can’t make someone be in a relationship because you work on your healing, nor can you make someone behave differently in a relationship by working on yourself. It’s one of my biggest issues with the Twin Flame industry for example where everyone is healing themselves to be in a relationship with their person. It doesn’t work like that.

Unhealthy relationship dynamics

That being said healing does have the potential to heal relationships if you are healing yourself for yourself and even then it doesn’t guarantee that the other person will shift with you. But often that is an important part of your healing process, to be willing to risk losing that person in order to choose to love yourself first. Anyone you lose in the process of choosing to love yourself wasn’t the right person for you anyway.

Often in these cases, not being able to let go of your person is not because you love them so much (which may be true as well) it’s because you are emotionally dependent on them. At its worst this lead to not wanting to be in the relationship anymore, but not being able to leave either. The underlying wound for this kind of dynamic is what we call codependency.

In most cases, codependency is a death sentence for the relationship, especially because it can be quite difficult to shift this dynamic within the relationship. However, it’s not impossible and it can actually be done relatively quickly when you are working with the right tools.

Love can be restored

One of my clients was in such a situation, when we started working together she told me that her marriage was on the rocks but that she couldn’t leave him either despite him being verbally abusive with her to a degree that was unacceptable. So, initially, we only worked on her personal empowerment within the situation she was in. But the more we worked together, the more I noticed that my client actually wanted her marriage to work.

I started focusing with her on the relationship and we basically made one tweak initially. Within their dynamic, I saw that she was communicating toward the wounded little boy in him, instead of appealing to the adult man in him – which he most likely experienced as emasculating. I suggested to her that rather than putting her finger in his painful wounds which he had plenty of that she would focus instead on bringing out the best in him.

I suggested she simply start by building him up through compliments – instead of tearing him down. I told her to start practicing on him the kind of loving and equal relationship she wanted to have and that we would find out soon enough if he would reciprocate or not.

My client who is very intelligent and knowledgeable about these things doubted if compliments would work because her husband’s love language is acts of services and not words of affirmation. But she was willing to give it a shot even if she was afraid he would not react well to it. Without ever discussing what or how with her husband, she simply started complimenting him as her secret little experiment and he was lapping it up. She was amazed at how much he loved it and how well he responded to it. By week two it wasn’t an experiment anymore, it was a remedy for their cooled-off intimacy.

A situation arose where before in the old dynamic he would have chewed her out, but now he responded much more compassionately which deeply surprised her. He almost immediately softened toward her which she had not expected.

In the past, he had turned away from her sexually, but now he was initiating sexual intimacy. They became playful with each other again, which lead to more intimacy in the bedroom and outside of it. My client was shocked that this same man that had been so mean to her in the past, was so willing to meet her halfway now that she had stopped making him feel like a little boy – which is a trap so many modern women fall into. The emasculation of men is rampant in our day and age.

My goal was to get them both out of the corners they had backed each other into, this wasn’t about inauthentic flattering or pandering but just simple authentic things that she appreciated in him and turning her attention to his strengths instead of his weaknesses that she had been buttonholing on. We also discussed what she could do for him that would make him happy, simply to extend an olive branch and get him out of the stance he felt backed into. We also looked at ways that she could help him feel more masculine.

The power of true healing

We then did an Soul Embodiment® Therapy session on the resentment she felt about having to be the one to do all this emotional labor to make their marriage work. That session brought us to the root of her codependency pattern, which helped her shift out of the resentment. By the end of our working together on this issue, she no longer felt that she was with him because she couldn’t leave him, but that she was with him because she actually wanted to be with him.

I never once worked directly with her husband, I only worked with my client and we were able to bring about this beautiful shift that other previous attempts to salvage their marriage such as couples therapy and individual therapy had not been able to do.

The reason why couples therapy often fails is because the partners continue to see each other as adversaries, which keeps them locked in bitter struggles for dominance and persistently discrediting each other’s points of view and emotional reactions. By shifting my client out of her side of this dynamic, her husband was able to shift out of his side naturally without anyone telling him what to do and how to do it.

This was almost two months ago that we last worked on this and my client has not only been able to maintain the intimacy and peace gained but has worked further to increase it. When before she would do things as she saw fit and then simply confront her husband with a fait accompli during their cold war days, she now wanted to consult and involve him in the decisions that affected him and their family. They had grown even closer during the time since we stopped working on healing the unhealthy dynamic within their relationship.

That is how you recognize true healing when it can be maintained and increased independently. So, often results are temporary – gotten while working together with a healer or a coach but then the client not being able to hold the results on their own. It’s when we truly heal things at the root cause level that they are transformed permanently. True healing doesn’t fade over time, it can’t be lost or diminished. Its effects don’t wear off. Because true healing is understanding and unless you develop amnesia or Alzheimer – this understanding is never lost.

Do you want to experience the power of healing relationships? These are the sessions and packages that can help you:

• Soulology sessions for relationship coaching from the Soul’s perspective
• Soul Embodiment Therapy
• Heal Your Inner Masculine Template

Check out the Soul Embodiment® Therapy page for payment plan options.

Romantic relationships are our biggest mirrors showing us our deepest wounds, at the same time they offer us the biggest opportunity for spiritual growth and healing when we use what we see happening outside of us to find the corresponding wounds inside of us. This is what Divine partnership or Soul partnership is about.