In a recent interview with someone that was talking the talk but not walking the walk, I noticed that I was constantly wanting to make clear what things really mean because I don’t have these rose-colored glasses on when it comes to the subject of healing and spirituality. I have seen too many times that people talk about things as if they understand them, but as they continue to talk it becomes clear pretty quickly that they are merely repeating what they heard somewhere else which is often a half-truth or sometimes not true at all.
I have seen this within the Twin Flame/Twin Flame arena, the understanding of 3D and 5D, what Ascension really means, healing, reprogramming the subconscious, and so on. I don’t mean this in a condescending way, I highlight it because there’s a deeper underlying dynamic that needs to be seen here. Language in itself is such a tricky thing because merely knowing about something doesn’t automatically mean understanding it. Especially when it comes to defining a new paradigm, using an existing language that is connected to old paradigm meanings – things can get fuzzy real quick. Easily creating cross-wired communications as we try to differentiate what it means to live in this new reality.
After the interview, I contemplated the question of why I seemed to be such a “party pooper” when it comes to healing or spirituality in comparison to other people also channeling and bringing in the new paradigm, and then it hit me that my function in this process is unique, as all of ours are unique in their own way. My unique contribution to shifting into the new paradigm is a way-shower to the transition or migration from 3D to 5D. I embody the bridge connecting the two different world views, which is not to say that I am only here for the newbies because that is not true either.
As a 5D way-shower, I am here to shine a light on the ascending path and its pitfalls, this may be due to my Aquarian nature and the influence of Saturn which is considered the ancient ruler of Aquarius in the past, but I consider order, structure, and discipline an important part of any spiritual path. Of course not taken to the extremes as this creates dogma and rigidness that become prisons of their own.
Let me give you an analogy, imagine a room full of things that are scattered all over the place. Think of furniture, books, clothes, dirty dishes, kids’ toys, trash, the works – it looks like a bomb exploded in the room. The problem is that you of course can’t really use the room properly and that you will struggle to find what you are looking for – just to name a few consequences of living like this.
The same is true spiritually, we cannot fully embrace the truth in every facet; if we proverbially speaking sweep things under the rug, hide things under the table, shove what we don’t want to look at in the closets, and banish what is confronting and uncomfortable to the attic or basement. This is when I realized, that the reason why I am so driven to shine the light into all of these places is because we can’t change what we hide from ourselves, or better yet, we can’t HEAL what we hide from ourselves.
My current biggest contribution to the Ascension path and the migration from 3D to 5D which is a part of it – is the understanding that healing trauma and karma is what drives this process. The more we heal our traumatic and karmic past on all three levels; past life, ancestral, and current life, the deeper we are able to embody who we truly are – our soul essence instead of our wounded ego.
The problem is that we hold most of this stuff (our wounds) subconsciously, which means it is OUTSIDE of our conscious awareness. We hide them from ourselves, but not on purpose. We do it to protect ourselves. You see people don’t hide things from themselves because they are stupid or lazy, they hide things from themselves because they are too painful for them to acknowledge.
I think that people genuinely underestimate both our tendency as well as our ability to hide things from ourselves and the necessity to uncover these layers in order to be able to address them. Too many people believe that enlightenment is about seeking the light, instead of bringing light into our inner darkness which is what the Carl Jung quote above refers to. Being a psychiatrist and founder of psychoanalysis, Jung understood the need to make our inner darkness conscious in order to reach enlightenment. Enlightenment is the process of bringing and shining our light within so that we can dissolve our inner darkness (unresolved pain) and set ourselves free.
This is impossible unless and until we fully shine the light within, which is a lengthy, at times painful, and challenging process. Yet, this is hardly how healing is being portrayed by those claiming to work in the healing industry or those claiming to be healed. Instead, we see healing and spirituality being glamorized in ways that completely distort the reality of healing – creating both a false and toxic concept of what it means to be healed. In many ways it’s effectively trying to masquerade a 3D concept, in 5D camouflage.
The problem is that we can’t pretend our way into 5D, we can’t fake it till we make it. We have to do the actual work to get there, which is why I am so adamant about doing it the right way because all roads may lead to Rome – but not all roads lead to entering Heaven on Earth in the physical. We would like to think that they do, but the reality is that there are simply things that work and things that don’t work when working towards a “goal” and it may seem to be more spiritual and definitely more inclusive to claim that everyone’s own way is the way best for them – but it’s BS. It’s not true. I will tell you why because unless you heal your trauma and karma you will stay stuck in 3D because it is your unresolved trauma and pain that binds you to this dimensional reality.
Please download the FREE Ultimate Guide to Inner Union to better understand the connection between healing trauma and karma and the inner union or Ascension process.
Glamorizing healing and spiritual evolution
When we delude ourselves into already believing we have done this inner work, we remain stuck where we are. We do not get to pass GO and collect $200. There’s no in-between or kind of getting it right if you don’t do what it takes and this is not to create fear, it’s just factual. If you have dirty dishes, no matter how much you mentally ‘will power’ your dishes to be washed, someone will have to either wash them by hand or put them in the dishwasher and turn the machine on. No matter how much magical thinking you throw at it a person will have to get the dishes in the sink or in the machine to get them wet. They will not magically move themselves there and they will also never magically auto clean themselves, they are dishes and all they do is create a clean and hygienic place to put your food on and even the clean and hygienic part – depends on whether you wash them well enough. Unless you do it yourself or get someone or something else to do it for you, the dishes remain dirty. Unless you DO something, which could even be a non-action where you leave the dishes and wait for someone else to do it for you – the situation stays the same. This same is true for healing and spiritual evolution, you have to be an active participant and only using magical thinking will get you nowhere in the same way that magic does not clean dirty dishes.
It’s easy to become dazzled by the glitter and gold of your ego desires in this process, because although unlimited abundance is something that we unlock as we shift into the new paradigm, not all millionaires or billionaires are healed – in fact, many of them are not. So, just because someone has been able to unlock a lot of money does not mean that they have done this through shifting paradigms. There are plenty of millionaires and billionaires in the old paradigm, that amassed their wealth through old paradigm ways…
The same can be said for relationships, many of the people currently claiming to be in Heaven on Earth within their relationships and believe that they are experiencing true authentic unconditional love for the first time in their lives are often (unconsciously) lying to themselves. You will see these same people in months or years to come, leave those relationships because the relationships became too painful. This is because our most intimate relationships are the most confronting to the deepest unhealed parts inside ourselves. In other words, they bring up all our unresolved pain. The Twin Flame and Soulmate industry is a shining example of “unions” that come and go because they no longer work or serve the couple for whatever reasons. These people rarely come together because they are so healed, in my years of experience working within the Twin Flame industry I would say the people that were the quickest to get together with their person were the one’s that had done the least healing and their healing had to happen up close and personal which many couples find hard and often even leave the relationship over.
But also when it comes to business success, which yes improves as you heal yourself, there are of course plenty of people absolutely smashing their business goals with their trauma and karma completely intact. Their unresolved pain and trauma may manifest in another area of their life that you are not able to see. Just look at the private lives of many super stars in the music and film industry, they may be crushing it in their careers but often have big dramas playing out in other areas of their lives.
The truth is that success sells, as metaphysics teacher Florence Scovel Shinn says in the quote below no one is interested in the secret to failure, everyone wants to know the secret to success but just because someone claims to have healed their way to success doesn’t mean this is true. In fact, all it often does is create this FAKE concept of what it means to be healed and what healing really is. Healing and spirituality are simply en vogue at the moment, which makes it trendy to talk about it and use it in your marketing just because it’s hip.
“People never ask a man who is a failure, “What is the secret of your failure?” It is quite easy to see and they are not interested. People all want to know how to open the secret door to success.”
Florence Scovel Shinn
It attracts disengenous people wanting to jump on the bandwagon, not because they truly believe in it but because it serves their own agendas. I had one mentor years back who taught that you didn’t even have to mean it if you used the ho’oponopono prayer, you just needed to say it. The endresult leaves us with a fake concept that in the end becomes toxic because it creates a false expectation around healing and spirituality.
In the same way, that we have in this day and age created false and even artificial beauty standards that NO ONE can naturally live up to – we have created a false concept of healing that is just as difficult to live up to because it is artificial as well. I believe Social Media plays a great role in this artificial idea of what it means to be healed or what it means to heal because no one is being truly honest about their own healing process because people don’t care and it’s not glamorous. In the same way that giving birth is not glamorous, because as your birth this amazing human being you are probably also pushing out poop because the pressure of the baby crowning your vagina and the inability to keep your anal sphincters tight while pushing out a however many pounds child from your womb makes it impossible to control this process. It’s just a hurricane of nature moving this child out of you and all you can do is surrender to the way things are.
There is a taboo on negativity except when you can twist it into fake strength by claiming victimhood, then everyone flocks to applaud you for your bravery in being so ‘vulnerable’ and brave to speak out. Sometimes speaking out is indeed very necessary as well as cathartic, so this is not to say people should not share in authentic ways. What I am being shown to highlight is this narrow interpretation of healing that we are being shown within the world and especially on Social Media that creates this false and inherently unattainable image of what healing is and what being healed then really looks like. It creates this erroneous belief that if your healing is not quick and easy that you are somehow doing it wrong or that there is something wrong with you for not being already completely healed.
But if people find it difficult to own their pain, their struggles, and the parts of themselves that they judge – how do you expect them to be honest about them to others? Like every other aspect of Social Media, you are only seeing what others are willing to show you. And there’s this tendency to show healing and spirituality as this beautiful serene process, and much like giving birth to a child, nobody tells you about the blood, the poop, the pee, and amniotic fluid that comes out together with your beautiful bundle of joy. Have you ever seen someone show pictures or videos of this part of the birthing process? Of course not, because it is too personal, too intimate, and in general too gross. Yet, you can’t birth babies without it. Every person comes into the world under these or similar circumstances. It’s there even if people don’t talk about it.
In the same way for very similar reasons, many people do not show all of their inner birthing process either. They hide parts of it or don’t go through them because they don’t go deep enough in their own healing process themselves. This is because the majority of currently available healing modalities don’t go deep enough, which is partially due to the conflation of the healing and the wellness industry. Relaxation is an important part of the healing process, however, feel-good healings aren’t necessarily trauma or karma healing. They help us feel good and relax but they don’t truly shift things on a deeper level which is needed when we want to bring about true healing, the lasting kind.
In this way one can be extremely busy ‘working on oneself’ and ‘healing’, when in reality their unresolved pain, trauma, and karma stay untouched.
This may seem like a bold statement at first, but clients that have worked with me or the healers that I recommend in for example the Inner Healing Circle are often amazed by the level of depth that I or the other healers work on. Another factor that plays into this is as highlighted before; words can be misleading. Words have different meanings to different people based on their own experiences. Someone can present themselves as someone who works deeply but because many people have little experience with in-depth healing they don’t really know what in-depth healing looks like.
Meaning that words are often subjective and can fall short of actually describing the experience. I had an orgasm once in a therapy session that was the orgasms of orgasms, it was a full-body orgasm that made me lose control over my body, my voice (I was screaming down the building), my emotions, and had me cry. Tears were running down my face during this experience and it made me realize that all my prior orgasms had been infantile compared to this one, even though I always thought my previous orgasms were really good.
Unless you have ever orgasmed at this intensity level you will use your best orgasmic experience as a reference to understand the level of intensity I am describing. This makes the understanding of language subjective, you may currently think that you have experienced this orgastic intensity as well because you recognize certain parts of what I am describing or you may not recognize it at all. When you feel that you do recognize it, it may actually be that your experience was less intense than mine or even more intense but we will never know this for sure because it can’t be measured – so all we have is our own experiences or lack of experiences to create a subjective understanding that can then even be further inaccurate because of for example a subconscious need to be right, or a desire to see oneself in a certain way, etc.
All of the above leads to much of the below…
Examples of ‘spiritual’ and unconscious bypassing
The reality behind much of these claims of miraculous ‘healing’ or already having healed stem from unconscious as well as spiritual bypassing that have the person in question genuinely believing what they are saying is true, while they are subconsciously not being truthful with themselves because the truth itself is too painful for them to allow in.
Unconscious and ‘spiritual’ bypassing are when it comes down to it survival strategies and defense mechanisms that we developed in order to bypass the unresolved pain that we found too difficult to face in the past. The reason why I have put the word spiritual in parenthesis is because, it’s actually not spiritual behavior to bypass anything, let alone one’s wounding. Instead the word spiritual in this context points to utilizing the spiritual to bypass unresolved trauma and pain in order to pretend that they don’t exist or that they have already been transcended. The more someone is caught up in spiritual ego and the need to be seen as ultra-spiritual the more someone is inclined to claim to already be healed because of their desire to be seen a certain way.
Here are 11 ways that this can play out in people’s lives without them knowing it:
#1 I’m all love and light
Meredith Brooks was closer to the truth when she sang ‘? …I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner, I’m a saint…?’ Although she may be describing some trauma driven behavior here and there in that song, the truth is that we are simply not all love and light all of the time because we are human. There’s a tendency in this way of thinking that negates and hides the parts of ourselves that are not ‘love and light’ which creates people with anger seeping out of their pores claiming to be all love and light. ‘Love and light’ people are often the most passive-aggressive people out there because of their need to be perceived as someone who has overcome their inner darkness. Pay attention when someone says ‘love & light’ because they will often use it in a way that is neither love nor light especially once they feel triggered.
Instead of disowning and repressing negative feelings, it’s better to embrace them because pretending that they aren’t there will not make them disappear. The reason we often don’t want to face our negative emotions is because of the painful stories we hold around them that we seek to forget. But this is not an effective strategy, as we cannot fast forward to the desired end result without actually integrating all of our experiences and how they made us feel. There’s generally a reason why we are pissed or whatever and those underlying reasons need to be addressed.
#2 I am already whole
Although this is technically true on a soul level, except that knowing that you are already whole and embodying that you are whole are two distinctly different things. We cannot become whole without bringing back all the lost and split off aspects of ourselves from the various previous timelines such as past life, ancestral and current life childhood. Our soul might be whole, but our ego and personality have not remained unscathed or untouched throughout our incarnation journey. We cannot skip retrieving back parts of ourselves from other timelines, to come back into the wholeness that is held within our soul’s blueprint. Simply deciding one day that we are not our ego or personality, but our soul does NOT automatically or instantaneously have us embody our soul. We have to heal the wounded ego, in order to heal the separation between the ego and the soul.
Anything else is trying to spiritually bypass this process of healing the separation between the wounded ego and the soul. The ego wounded or healed is part of who you are, which means that you cannot be truly whole while it still sees itself as separate from the soul. But this is an ego illusion you might say, it’s not spiritually true and again you would be right but that does not magically erase the ego wounds that subconsciously hold this sense of separation in place.
#3 Healing can happen in an instance
Yes, healing can happen in an instance but it usually doesn’t. You cannot expect to heal patterns that took lifetimes to be created, to heal instantaneously. There’s almost this obsession with being able to magic away our struggles, but every situation, experience, or person that we attract into our lives is there to help us heal a deeper unresolved pain or trauma from a previous timeline. They serve a purpose, so the goal is not to be freed of them, the goal is to be freed of what they have come to help you heal. It takes time to understand what they have come to help you heal and where this unresolved issue originated, which is often outside of this lifetime. When you try to bypass this process, you learn nothing, and what happens when we learn nothing? We continue to make the same mistakes because we haven’t learned from our past. So, yes healing can be instantaneous but true healing gives us a level of understanding we didn’t have before and it often takes time to be able to grasp this deeper level of understanding which is why most healing processes take time.
The mistake that people make is to believe that they cannot have what they want until they are fully healed and this is not true. You do not have to be fully healed, enlightened, or exalted in order to have the things you desire. Sometimes an aspect may need further healing to unlock, but just remember that there are many people that have what you want and have done little to no healing at all. You do not need to ‘spiritually’ deserve or earn the things you desire, they are your birthright as son or daughter of the Divine.
#4 I just want to stay high vibed
As I explain in the Ultimate Guide to Inner Union, much of our most trauma-related emotions are the lowest in vibrational frequency. Many law of attraction enthusiasts make this mistake, believing that if they pay attention to these lower vibrational frequency emotions that they will become amplified and bring down their high vibrational created reality. It doesn’t work like that, in fact, the more you repress these emotions the more they externalize and become your reality through the people, situations, and experiences that are subconsciously being pulled into your life to help you heal these lower vibrational states (your subconscious fears & false beliefs) once and for all.
Refusing to give them attention does not diminish them, it makes them bigger and more difficult to ignore. Then you wonder why you “created” this terrible experience for yourself. But YOU didn’t create it, it was created by default because it was left unresolved. The other paradox is that when left unaddressed these lower vibrational frequencies actually prevent you from raising your vibe because you can’t actually raise your vibe without releasing them first.
#5 Time doesn’t exist
On a Soul level, time doesn’t exist, but time does exist in the physical realm. There’s always someone that will ask a unanswerable question like time doesn’t exist so how do you know that a past life isn’t in fact a future life or a parallel life? This just confuses the matter, it’s like the room full of stuff where you can’t find what you are looking for. I have no doubt that all of it exists future lives (of course), parallel lives, parallel Universes, other planetary life is probably all real. At the same time, we never say; “Well how do you know it was your childhood trauma that created this issue? Maybe it was an experience that you are still meant to have that created it…, you know time doesn’t exist and therefore we are living all of these realities simultaneously.” If we would have based psychology on this theory, we would have never found a way to get to the root of our current incarnation’s traumas that we all agree originated in our childhood and not in an experience when we were 45, while we are currently not even 33 years old. All that these theories do is cloud the true origins of our unresolved issues.
All our unresolved pain and trauma whether it is from childhood or taken on through our ancestral lineage stems from our past life experiences. Throwing out the concept of time within our incarnation process is akin to flat-earthers, it creates misperceptions. Even if we are simultaneously living all lifetimes at once, we as the entity we identify ourselves with and are conscious of are together in this timeline. We might be together in other timelines as well, identifying as other people, but we are not conscious of this fact. It might very well be that when we tap into what we believe is a previous lifetime, that it is a parallel lifetime in another historical time period but having worked with over 1000 clients in the past years within the Soul Embodiment™ Therapy method, I have never had a client tap into a parallel lifetime within the exact same time period. I don’t doubt that it is possible, but I think it is rare. Even within the Twin Flame concept that we see as the final split of our soul into the masculine and feminine, you see that these are two very different people living very different lives even though they share commonalities they are not one and the same person.
But you see as we dive deeper into all of the different possibilities and probabilities things become more and more abstract, which is why sometimes it is just easier to keep things simple. I agree that time is not an absolute, but a sense of time can help us in the understanding of cause and effect that would otherwise become hidden in the zoomed-out world of infinite possibilities.
I think also here we need a little less magical and more practical thinking, at this time we cannot travel back in time to fix things in our childhood and even if we could we would probably do things we regret like kill the people that hurt us when we were unable to protect ourselves because we had not taken the TIME to heal our past. Imagine the immense karma, we would create if we could simply go back and forth in time to get our life the way we want it on an ego level. It would be horrendous and inevitably filled with regret. Let’s be grateful that time is not as fluid that we could go back and forth like this and alter reality as we see fit.
#6 I AM my soul
Yes, you are. It’s the only real spiritual reality that stays true no matter what. However, this does not mean that you are embodying your soul at this time. Knowing that you are your soul and living this reality are not the same, in the same way as that knowing how good an orgasm can be is not the same as having one or how imagining the taste of your favorite food is not the same as eating it.
So, even though this is true, you are your soul, the problem is that you have not been embodying your soul for a very very long time during which you have been playing the incarnation game. Instead, you have been embodying the wounded ego. Simply deciding that you are now going to embody your soul, doesn’t actually work. In the same way, that even though you are the creator of your own reality, you do not unlock the full potential of your creational power until you have healed and integrated the ego.
Then there’s always someone that will say, well I already healed my ego and integrated it and it’s not true. Because someone who has healed their ego and reintegrated it, would not feel the need to say anything, they would not even be part of this conversation. Someone who is embodying their soul doesn’t feel the need to defend themselves, which is tricky again because that’s not the only criteria. You kind of get into the same place as the orgasm of orgasms story that I described above because language falls short in truly describing these basically super-states that exceed our daily experience.
Psychologically speaking people tend to overestimate themselves or be biased in their self-assessment, all across the board people tend to be somewhat self-deceptive according to a large body of psychological research. Not only do we find it difficult to fully be honest with ourselves, we genuinely believe our perception to be an accurate one. This dynamic contributes to the fact that people regardless of whether it is factually true or not tend to perceive themselves to be further than they actually are, whether that is within their work, their spiritual journey, their healing, and so on.
Organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich found that 95% of people think they’re self-aware, but only 10-15% truly are.
The thing is though that until you heal the wounded ego and thereby the separation between the ego and the soul, you will not have access to your soul’s superpower simply because until you have shifted paradigms (states of consciousness) you will most likely abuse this power in ways that do not serve you or others. This will not be intentional of course, but it will simply happen because of the subconscious stuff you have going on that you are unaware of. You will not understand how much you are holding subconsciously until you start looking for it.
#7 Projecting their issues on others
Another way people try to unconsciously bypass their wounding is by projecting it onto others. They attribute to others, what they find difficult to accept or own within themselves. When we carry unresolved blame, shame, or guilt around something, we can disown this part of ourselves in order to be able to keep functioning. Because of unresolved trauma and pain, we find this part of ourselves unacceptable and therefore banish it. This can be instincts that we deem morally unacceptable or that maybe even simply are, but most of the time what we find unacceptable about ourselves does not need to be pathological. It can be trauma responses such as not wanting to seem weak or vulnerable, believing you need to be perfect, and other survival strategies that you developed in order to protect yourself.
As you grow older these protection mechanisms start to stand in your way and instead of protecting you they start to limit and undermine you. Because they are held so deeply subconscious one of the ways we make them conscious is by ‘seeing’ them in other people whether this is objectively true or not. This seeing what we find to for example be a fault within ourselves then triggers our own subconscious unresolved pain around this issue, allowing us to make conscious some of the emotions we hold around the trigger. Everyone has at some point in their lives projected onto others, the more we are aware of the fact that we are doing this – the more we can embrace within what we were projecting outside of ourselves. The outward projection is simply the byproduct or indication of the disownment within.
#8 I have already healed my childhood
Sometimes it is so easy to believe that we have already healed something because we know it happened and have made efforts to heal it. The problem is that our subconscious wounding is held in five different places, the mental body, the emotional body, the physical body, the vibrational body, and the causal body where we hold our karmic templates. When we find ourselves revisiting something we thought we had already healed it’s because we are healing it at a different level (within a different body).
Healing any wounding but especially childhood wounding goes way beyond what you remember to be traumatic. Your childhood wounding or any other wounding for that matter does NOT limit itself to what you know and remember, it goes way deeper. One of the number one survival strategies that children who were in deeply damaging relationships with their caretakers adopt is altering their perception of reality in order to survive the experience.
“When trusted and loved caregivers neglect or abuse you, a conflict is created where you need to stay engaged in the relationship to survive. However, you also need to defend yourself from the abuse. Tragically, you cannot please your toxic parent AND stick up for yourself. You have to choose. Human beings are hardwired to choose to please the caregiver. One way you are able to please your abusive caregiver is by suppressing your awareness of the abuse.” Source: Lovefraud.com
I was once one of those people that told myself that I had had a relatively good childhood, but this was only because I had altered my perception of my childhood in order to survive the deep pain I still carried from some of the bad experiences I had lived next to the absolute good stuff that I could consciously remember.
#9 I have already forgiven the past
You may have every intention to forgive the past, but this does not actually mean that you have succeeded at doing so. Even if you have said 1000 ho’oponoponos to seal the deal. Your conscious intention is only a fraction of the equation (5%), the other 95% is dictated by your subconscious and depends on your ability to allow yourself to make peace with the past and the people involved.
This making peace with the past is impossible without also bringing up the submerged aspects of the experience that are held subconsciously that can be really complex and defy logic. Say you were raped, for example, there’s a host of emotions that could be touched besides the obvious ones. Due to your conditioning, you may even stop yourself from feeling a certain emotion that you for example were not allowed to show as a child, traditionally many girls were allowed to cry but not allowed to be angry. Allowing yourself to feel all of it even the emotions that make no sense such as guilt, shame, self-blame is an important part of the healing- as well as the forgiveness process that allows you to both forgive yourself and the other.
Logically we would say well why would a rape victim need to forgive themselves (men and boys can be raped too) and yet when you talk to people who have had such an experience this is a question that they struggle with. This is because not only have their boundaries been crossed their trust has been betrayed as well because most victims of sexual violence know their attacker.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in five women, and one in 71 men will be raped during their lives. Unfortunately, victims of sexual assault know their attacker in approximately eight out of 10 cases. When a child is the victim of sexual abuse, the rates are even higher—90 percent of victims know their attacker. To compound this, nearly half of all the abusers of children are family members. When sexual assault occurs on a college campus, 85 to 90 percent of the victims know their abuser and more than half of these assaults involve a date with the attacker.
‘Research has shown that traumas that are perpetrated in the context of a relationship in which you trust and/or depend on the perpetrator are remembered differently than other traumas because of your dependency. As a survivor of high-betrayal trauma, you experience greater depression, dissociative tendencies, and posttraumatic stress than survivors of low-betrayal traumas. Another outcome of betrayal trauma is that you end up with a reduced ability to detect risk in your social environment, including intimate relationships. Many betrayed survivors have a delayed response to danger cues and end up getting re-victimized in adulthood.’ Source: Lovefraud.com
In many cases, the experiences that we need to forgive most are so complex, that we simply cannot close those chapters by willing them to be over. Instead, we need to take the time to really allow ourselves to fully digest the experience and deal with all the emotions that they have brought up. Forgiveness is not something we can force, it comes from really allowing ourselves to release all the pain around the experience and perhaps understand what it was helping us heal on an even deeper level from our childhood, our ancestral lineage, or past lives. This does not in any way make the experience the victim’s fault or absolve the perpetrator from the responsibility he or she has for their own actions but can assist in a deeper level of forgiveness on a soul level when the time is right.
#10 Being gullible
I have seen and heard it all – and in some cases, the problem is that people are too gullible. This is certainly true when it comes to curse and hex lifting, you are better off flushing your money through the toilet than to pay someone to remove spells and curses cast on you. I know people that have spent small fortunes (5 figure amounts) on work like this and it of course did not change anything. Because even though we often can’t see how, our current reality is here to help us heal something left unresolved in the past. This may seem like a curse, but it is actually a blessing in disguise.
Another thing that I have heard clients tell me is that they are already karma-free because someone has already removed all their karma for them. This is impossible, no one can remove your karma for you, and interestingly enough the above where people feel cursed or hexed is where you are living out your karma (read this teaching to understand the true meaning of karma) without realizing it.
One can also not simply cleanse your family lineages for you and the reason why none of the above is possible is because you would not learn from your past if it were. Imagine that you would go through life making the same mistake over and over again, but there’s someone behind you erasing your mistake for you every time you make it. You would continue to make the mistake until your very last breath and then continue to make the same mistake in future lifetimes. Karma is nothing more than a mistaken way of looking at things and you cannot correct that until you can see why it was wrong and when you started to believe that it was correct. When someone ‘lifts’ karma or trauma for you, (the two are siblings anyway trauma and karma) you try to bypass the process of understanding the mistaken belief and how it was created. Of course, this is not possible. Even if someone would do their best to explain to you the wrong belief and the situation it was created in we run up into the language barrier again. Someone explaining something to you is not the same as you fully feeling it and imprinting this new knowledge into every cell of your being.
#11 Wishful thinking
Last but not least another way that we unconsciously try to bypass our subconscious wounding and spiritual evolution is through wishful or magical thinking. Yes, miracles are possible and natural, but be careful to think that the supernatural always needs to defy the laws of nature. I have to think of the story of this guy stranded on a rooftop during a flood asking to be saved by God, he sends away a rowboat, a motorboat, and a helicopter that come to save him and he drowns in the end.
Angry at God he asks “Why didn’t you save me?”
God answers “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”
The Universe, God, or the Divine – however, you feel comfortable calling it, works through people and the physical. It seldom defies the laws of nature to bring about its miracles. I understand quantum leaps, quantum results, etc. but these are merely words that describe what happens when you stop limiting what you think is possible, which is where magical thinking is useful and a great tool. As long as you don’t then become dogmatic in it as the drowning man above who basically wanted God to pluck him from the rooftop with his own hands or lower down a ladder from Heaven. Can you see the difference between thinking in unlimited possibilities and fleeing into fantasy?
As soon as something seems to defy the laws of nature, be discerning. I worked with one ‘healer’ once that believed that she was pregnant through light conception which sure I can go there, but when you have an empty womb and you’re convinced that somehow these children are going to be birthed physically in the future from an empty womb – you’re pushing it. Especially if you believe to be pregnant for multiple years. There is actually a clinical term for conditions like this where one believes they are pregnant when they are not, it’s called pseudocyesis (“false pregnancy” or “phantom pregnancy”). It’s of course not surprising that this condition can be triggered by trauma such as abuse, miscarriages, incest, or infertility. Source: Psychcentral.com
Make sure you stay with both feet on the ground, you would not be the first one to run into mental health problems because of too vigorous spiritual practice or the triggering of unresolved trauma from trying to take Heaven by force. Below is the quote of a woman’s quest for enlightenment through meditation that led to psychosis. Source: stuff.co.nz
“They claim to take you to a place that people get to in 20 years, but without any work,” she says.
Even worse, people using these tapes are doing so without a teacher. “When you meditate to a high level you can get visions or have strange thoughts and if nobody is guiding you, it can be dangerous.”
It is super tempting to try to shortcut or bypass our subconscious wounding, to pretend that they aren’t there – but it can and often does make things worse. In the example above instead of shaving off 20 years of her enlightenment process, the person in question had to be hospatilzed and is still on anti-psychotic medication due to the experience. This is not to fear-monger, but to help you create discernment when someone tells you that you can get the results but without doing the work be wary, because when we have unresolved trauma which is true for all humanity nobody is trauma free initially trying to bypass it can actually exacerbate the exisiting trauma. The reason behind it is really simple, when we raise the Kundalini energy without addressing the unresolved pain and trauma that is blocking the chakras on the way up it can magnify the trauma resulting in mental health issues such as anxiety, bipolar disorder or psychosis just to name a few, This is why we need to slowly but dilligently work through our different layers of subconscious wounding in order to pave the way for the Kundalini energy to rise through without obstruction.
When the norm becomes instant healing, instant shifts and instants results which of course have their place in our healing process, we create an environment where people are eager to say yes to 20 years of progress without any work. That is a dangerous place to be and it is up to us who are healers or those who are on the healing journey to normalize what real healing and true spiritual growth really looks like and the truth is, that it just isn’t always instant, parts of it are absolutely messy and you have to get your hands dirty so to speak. But, that’s okay because it isn’t a race. It isn’t a competition and you are not only doing this for you, when you heal you heal seven generations to come and help the seven generations before you heal this aspect within themselves. Plus you take this level of healing with you into your next lifetime, so why would it all need to be fixed in 1-10 sessions when the fruits of your labor will benefit you and your offspring for generations to come? Slow and steady wins the race, it doesn’t have to be super slow i.e. you don’t have to be afraid of a nice healthy pace. Find your pace, because that is the only pace that you’ll be able to keep up to.
I pray this teaching has helped you see how ingenious we are in avoiding our unresolved issues and pain, in order to understand the myriad of ways that we develop to not have to face it. Whether that is by using spirituality or reason to bypass it or simply by unconsciously hiding it from ourselves. It’s not just “dumb” people that would do this, nor the “unconscious” or “young souls”, etc. there is zero judgment on this. We all have the tendency to avoid facing our pain, simply because it is so painful uniquely to us based on our past experiences. Facing it may be painful at first and will definitely take great courage, but burying our pain and running away from it is not a viable solution either as it will only make things more painful and drag them out over a longer period of time.
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