How all My Romantic Relationships Have Failed, Because of a Past Life Trauma

But if you are still at that stage of your journey, you are missing the bigger picture because this connection is meant to be so much more than romantic bliss.

Close to five years into this journey I have gone through all the twists and turns and the inevitable plot twists that are part of the Twin Flame path. I have been blocked, been cut off from all communication. My twin has been with other women and even married someone else, three years after we met. Every flavor this journey has to offer, I have gotten a taste of – sometimes a small lick and other times a big bite.

This is what I can tell you after going full in on the Twin Flame journey, this is not a romantic connection.

The Twin Flame path is your fast track to ascension.

To make sure that you have not also romanticized the concept of ascension, it is the complete purge and stripping away of everything you identified as yourself but which was not the truth of who you are. It is letting go of all your fears and false beliefs that have kept you trapped in the third dimension (not physical reality) of pain and suffering.

People often think 3D equals physical reality, but that’s not true. Physical reality is physical reality regardless of the dimension you experience it in. Likewise many people believe 5D is up there, that it is an energy reality. They say ‘My twin and I are already in union in 5D’, but that is not true either because if they were energetically already in union, it would have to manifest in the physical reality with little time lag.

What is true is, that as a planet and as a race (the human race and the animal world too) we are all making a dimensional shift from the 3rd to 5th dimension, which we will experience in our physical reality. 5D is merely another state of consciousness and another state of being in which we experience our physical reality.

Being completely hung up on the romantic aspect of this journey is the old 3D perception that needs to be released in order to embody the 5D timeline reality of this journey, which of course also includes a physical intimate love relationship with your Divine Counterpart or someone better (which I know you can’t even fathom possible). Yet, the only way to get to live that 5D timeline reality is to let go of the romantic connection you crave with this person, which in Twin Flame lingo is referred to as surrender.

Please download the free Ultimate Guide to Inner Union if you need more information on why this connection is not just another ‘boy meets girl’ love story.

If you are still obsessing over the romantic aspect of this journey, you need to snap out of it. Trust me, like you I thought I was going to crack the Twin Flame code and come out of this journey with a ring on my finger and a bun in the oven despite what others were writing about their Twin Flame experience. I decided I was going to be the exception to the rule. I was going to make it happen and no doubt I will, but boy am I glad we took the scenic route to this destination because Wow! a whole new world and reality has opened up to me through all the delays, overcoming obstacles and unexpected plot twists.

And as you will understand by the end of this teaching I literally could not have had the … and they lived happily ever after that I craved for because of a past life trauma with my Twin Flame in the late 1700’s.

Why most of you feel like you are on a merry go round

To be honest I am tired of the Twin Flame label and all the romanticized BS that comes with it.

I dislike many of the other teachers and healers because they only add to keeping people running in circles and the general Twin Flame hysteria that keeps them looking for quick fixes.

They feed the fear, often because they haven’t overcome the fear inside themselves.

Before you accuse me of tearing down the competition, I am one of the few healers and teachers that collaborates this extensively with other teachers and healers. I give work to other healers and actively promote them, without any commission of course simply because I know there is so much healing work to be done and it takes many different healers to heal it all. Any healer that thinks they can bring you there all by themselves or worse doesn’t want you to work with other healers as well is on an ego trip.

Some days I even tire of the people I serve as I find many of them very tyrannical in wanting to hear nothing else but that their union is imminent and many of them don’t want to lift a finger to attain this outcome.

I can’t tell you how often people react to my teachings saying, but I do believe I will be in union with my twin or I believe we can have both, the spiritual growth and union as if they are saying something different than what I wrote. This is simply because they are so attached to the romantic outcome, that any hint of a possibility that they may not get UNION sends them off the deep end.

I find that many abuse the word union so much because it only means a romantic relationship to them in which they have sex with their twin.

Twin Flame union people, does not equal a physical sexual relationship with your Twin Flame. What you are so vehemently chasing after is only the icing on the cake of what this connection is meant to be. Yet most of you simply don’t want to hear it.

You want to hear that it’s going to be okay. That your love will come back to you, so you read forecast after forecast. Watch one YouTube reading after another, allowing yourself to be strung along, always waiting for that moment in the future and not doing anything really to align to the reality you crave. For some even giving up sex, is too big of a sacrifice because they don’t want to give up short term satisfaction to hold out for the real thing.

There are days that I feel that I am preaching to the wind and that my words fall flat on the ground in front of the people they are meant for. Because my message is not popular. My message is not ‘listen to this audio meditation and you will have union miraculously’. My message is not ‘sit back and I will heal you for you.’ I don’t provide services that paint you beautiful future timelines that you actually can’t ever align to because, you are not doing anything to align to them. I don’t do fantasy la-la land, because it DOES NOT serve you.

I make you do the work. I make you face yourself. I make you face your fears, because I want you to see them for the illusions they are. I don’t offer quick fixes, because they don’t exist.

But I meditate every day, you tell me. I do yoga. I listen to Solfeggio tones. I do guided meditations. I get Reiki done (no disrespect here but everyone is a Reiki master these days, it doesn’t mean they are a good healer). And my tarot lady told me I have done all my healing work, I am just waiting for my twin to catch up. What you don’t understand is that by telling you this, she has made you a repeat customer for months and sometimes even years. She keeps you coming back each time to get a pat on your head and to ask why he hasn’t caught up yet. He will never catch up, because by bolstering your ego that you were done she stopped you from looking deep inside yourself. It’s wonderful to hear the problem is not you, it’s him but it’s completely useless. It only creates stagnation in you, your connection and your journey.

I know you are running your head off busy, trying to make union happen. But most of you are doing ALL the wrong things. I am sorry to burst your bubble but the breakthroughs you seek do not come from these activities, even though these activities are very beneficial to you. Yet when it comes to stripping away all that you are not, all of the above doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface. It just does not take you deep enough.

It’s like doing a juice cleanse, a juice cleanse in itself is very beneficial and slightly detoxing. It will not create the same effect though as using a herbal detox preparation. The latter will detox you on a much deeper level. Yet ultimately it’s throwing everything at it, like drinking water to flush out the toxins, going to the sauna to sweat it out, dry sponging your body daily to release toxins through the skin, plus the juice cleanse AND the detox herbs that does the job properly.

So too it is with working on your healing, you need to and throw everything at it and do the things that actually create the effects you seek. The stuff that goes deep and really shifts your reality. A guided meditation much like water will help you get the energy moving, but to really release the hard build up and deeply stuck gunk and sludge you need to work with someone one on one. A guided meditation is simply not designed to go that deep.

The Twin Flame alchemical process

Another thing many of you don’t realize is that the twists and turns on your Twin Flame journey, these unexpected plot twists serve to bring you to the depth of your subconscious wounding. You whine and moan about your fate or you suck it up and become bitter, no understanding that these situations have come to help you.

They serve to trigger all this deeply lodged disowned stuff that you didn’t even know that you were schlepping around with you over lifetimes and lifetimes. It’s this gunk and sludge that is causing your separation both with your twin as within your own psyche, because what we experience outside of ourselves is nothing but a reflection of what we believe and hold to be true inside of us.

You are not meant to have your and they lived happily ever after…. aka your romantic outcome until you have healed those aspects in yourself that are keeping you and your twin apart in real life – because he can’t trigger those wounds while keeping your bed warm at night and bringing you to passionate ecstasy.

‘I don’t need to be healed,’ you tell me then ‘I just want to be with him!’

And that is exactly what you need to be healed of….

The false belief that the key to your happiness lies outside of you or in the hands of another person. That is the epitome of the subconscious pain and suffering programming, because as long as you believe that – all your attempts to create happiness through an external source will inevitably end in pain and suffering. Your happiness never lies outside of you.

I couldn’t have told you this at the beginning of my journey, because like you all I wanted was HIM. But almost going into my fifth year on this journey I can tell you now that this is true, because I did go through it all with my twin. The ignoring, the blocking, the silent treatment, the other women and in the end the marriage with someone else.

In 2017 I had been told by multiple psychics that my union was imminent and that my twin would come back to me within a matter of weeks. As I was preparing for this reality, it suddenly hit me that my twin would have to give up everything to be with me, his family, his friends, his country and what would I do to him if I had not found happiness within.

I realized that my seeking my happiness in him was a recipe for disaster that could only lead to disharmony and heartache so I set out on a quest to find my happiness within and within one month out of seemingly nowhere my twin got married to someone else. Of course his getting married to someone else left me no choice but to find happiness within me.

That is how this journey works, it’s always working for you – not against you.

I know you would much rather hear that it only took me a couple of months into our separation to figure out how to turn things around and that we are now in blissful union – because that would mean that you could be in blissful union yourself relatively quickly too.

But what I am actually telling you is that this union would NOT be blissful because, you would still be running on subconscious programming that would make bliss impossible as your subconscious fears and false beliefs would constantly be tripping you up.

Let me elaborate with a real life example from my own journey.

Why romantic love has eluded me throughout this lifetime

I have recently started reintegration massage. Reintegration massage is a massage technique made to reintegrate lost parts of the subconscious that help a person to release body blockages and let go of any energy that may be stuck so it can begin to harmoniously flow. This massage works on all bodies, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually by working with the Chinese meridians systems.

Now as a disclaimer here I had done other types of body work before and over hundreds of healing sessions with many other healers before I got to this particular subconscious wounding. From what I have seen in my own journey is that we need to clear individual and mutual wounding first from this life and previous lifetimes, this is the more superficial wounding. Then we get to our own core wounding, which is Twin Flame unrelated but revolves around the core wounds in our own psyche. This is where we find wholeness and inner union (union with self within) and only then can we access the core wounding with twin that has kept us in separation. One off sessions are not enough to reach these depths, though you most likely won’t need hundreds. I am an exception to the rule, because my journey has been used to serve and teach from to the collective.

In the very first session two things came up very clearly a ‘broken heart’ and suppressed subconscious rage towards my mother for not seeing the sexual abuse of the children in her own home, of me and my half sisters. After the session I spoke to my mother about this and she called the abuse betrayal by a man, which I was very familiar with in my life. My first husband betrayed my love by physically abusing me. My second husband betrayed my love by cheating on me throughout our marriage and then my twin of course also betrayed my love repeatedly and even more in-depthly than my ex-husbands had.

So, yes I was very familiar with my love being betrayed by a man and the fact that the first man in my life, my father – had already betrayed my love by the time I was a toddler made me understand from my work as a past life healer that this was a trauma I had brought in from a previous lifetime in order to heal it once and for all.

So I booked a session with a healer that I knew could help me access the past life and she brought me to the place in the brain where our survival center is located. She had me look into a pool of water and asked me what I saw. I am not a very visual seer, my clairvoyance is much more experienced in feeling and knowing – clairsentience and claircognizance. So I don’t really see as much as I feel and know.

I ‘saw’ a man floating in the water with a white shirt on that had rounded sleeves which gave it a late 1700’s early 1800’s feel to it. The healer asked me to describe him and I saw he had dark hair that almost seemed black because it appeared darker from being wet. His face was pale and it was obvious that he was deceased. Yet I wanted to run to him and get him out of the water, which made me realize that he was important to me because I would otherwise not dare touch a dead man’s body. I was still very much a bystander completely cut off from the emotions that wanted to be released.

I saw myself running down the lawn to a pond in a dress with multiple skirts, by now I was much more in touch with my emotions. I got into the water with all my skirts which confirmed the era I had placed the man in before. I was hysterical as I tried to get this man out of the water and frantically tried to breathe him back to life.

All my attempts were effortless as the man had been in the water for hours. Slowly bit by bit I pieced my subconscious memories back together. This was my husband, who had committed suicide. He couldn’t swim and had thrown himself in the water to end his life because he couldn’t find his way out of his depression anymore.

Back then we didn’t know depression and being suicidal are chemical imbalances in the brain that can be treated, I had made it mean that my love and our love was not enough to give him the will to live. When I zoomed in on his energy, I recognized my husband had been my Twin Flame.

The healer guided me to the underworld to release my husband who I had not been willing to let go of all this time (centuries) and even now releasing him to the realm of the dead was so painful, my heart was in so much pain I was afraid to remain stuck in it (which is what happened it that lifetime I remained in a state of shock and confusion for the rest of my life). Reliving that traumatic day where I found my husband myself, it felt as if my heart broke all over again. I had to give it all I got to stay calm and breathe myself through the immense pain as it started releasing from my heart chakra.

This is also why we don’t clear such deep wounds at the beginning of our journey because we are not mentally, emotionally or spiritually equipped yet to deal with the utter intensity of the pain and trauma that are hidden within the depths of our bodies and beings.

Because it had been such a romantic lifetime and because we had been so in love prior to him becoming depressed, the shock went even deeper and I concluded that I didn’t deserve such romantic bliss. I felt that I had somehow failed him as a lover and a wife, because he had chosen death over being with me. It did not help that we were lord and lady of the house, because I had no life except the life that revolved around him.

Why we need to face these dark places

Contrary to popular believe that ascension is about leaving the body, it is in fact the descent of the soul (higher self) into the physical body.

That is why it is of the utmost importance to first clear out all the lower vibrational gunk and sludge (pain and trauma) because as long as we are holding these energies in our bodies and vibrational field, we can’t hold the higher frequency of our soul in our body. In other words, until we make our physical vessel clear and raise it’s vibrational frequency the soul can’t enter the body.

You might think now, well that’s fine – I don’t need my soul to enter my physical body but here’s the thing. All those subconscious wounds, the pain, the memory, the trauma – they ain’t sitting around doing nothing if you don’t deal with them.

They attract to them the people and situations that will help you release the stuck energy from your body and vibrational field. So my dad sexually abusing me as a toddler, my first husband beating the crap out of me, my second husband basically starting a secret family whilst married to me and my Twin Flame being a selfish …. when it comes to me, aren’t me just having bad luck.

It was this trauma attracting these situations over and over again to help me remember what had happened. This became crystal clear to me as the healer told me to get the man out of the water and as I was pulling on his dead body, bloated and extra heavy from the water. I realized how symbolic this has been for all my romantic relationships in which I had always felt that I was pulling on a dead horse. I kept trying and giving it my all, because I thought that if I would give and give and just maybe even give some more I could keep my husband alive (read with me). That his suicide had been because my love had not been enough or that his suicide had been because he didn’t love me enough and so I set out on a quest to earn love.

This is where things getting interesting because rewind back to the summer of 2014 when my twin had just run out on me, I realized that I had a pattern of trying to ‘earn love’ which made no sense. Although my twin was doing his utter best to move on without me at the time and barely spoke to me, when I shared this insight with me he became very emotional and told me ‘You don’t need to do anything to deserve being loved!’

That was almost 4,5 years ago and only now have I finally gotten to the root cause of this subconscious programming, so I could fully release it.

Aside from the myriad of ways that this past life trauma was undermining my romantic relationships, one of the most prominent ways it did so was by blocking out the experience of love even if the other person loved me. You see when you belief you need to deserve love, you can’t let love in especially when you haven’t done ‘enough’ in your mind to have earned it. The same applies to when you are over-giving, your constant focus is on the giving aspect instead of the receiving aspect.

Now combine that with the subconscious belief that your love is somehow not (good) enough to keep the love you have (the trauma of his suicide) and you will understand why I recreated a scenario over and over again in which I felt responsible for reviving our love (with whomever the other person was) because I carried the false belief that I could have saved my depressed suicidal husband if only I had loved him more.

I had to learn the hard way that loving someone more does not stop them from beating you. That loving someone more does not stop them from wanting to be with someone else or overcoming their own fears. Loving someone more doesn’t alter their behavior and that it is in fact manipulative to even try to get someone to give you what you want, through giving them what you think they need.

Healing this past life, by releasing this false belief not only will make me stop subconsciously trying to ‘earn love’ it also creates a polarity shift within. Because all this doing, striving, qualifying for and seeking to earn love is very action oriented and therefore very masculine behavior. It involves a lot of work and pursuing, instead of being and receiving which is more feminine.

Something that has become clearer and clearer recently is that my twin is much more in his femininity and I was way too much in my masculinity not in obvious ways but at our core. On the surface I am very feminine, but apparently my core frequency was very masculine. One psychic even told me that it was as if my inner masculine, was overprotecting my inner feminine and now we now because she was heartbroken and didn’t dare trust true love.

The fact that my twin is staying in a marriage that he did not want, with a person that he does not love, simply to please his mother and family already shows that he is not the one calling the shots in his life (something of which he is painfully aware but doesn’t know how to break out of yet).

In a Yin/Yang dynamic things automatically shift when one of the polarities shift, any relationship coach will tell you that if you show up as the man in a relationship that the other partner (no matter the gender) is forced into the opposite role. Something that I have been very familiar with in my romantic life as both my husbands even grew their hair long, during our marriages. They both cut their hair after the divorce and never let it grow again.

I am spilling my guts here and giving you an intimate view into my psyche, my romantic life and Twin Flame journey and I do this in order for you to find these places and dynamics in yourself. We all have subconscious wounding that is literally f*cking up our lives, without us knowing it. I am not some kind of odd anomaly here and I am not sharing this information with you to entertain you or for it to be consumed together with a dozen other Twin Flame blogs and videos that ease your panic short term, but change nothing in the end.

I share these stories with you to get you to take action, to find your own subconscious wounds, to heal your own fears and false beliefs.

I know many of you out there feel that if only I were in union, my information would be much more valuable, because then you would be sure it worked. Most of the Twin Flame teachers out there claiming to be in union are not. In fact the most revered Twin Flame teacher who says she is in union, often forgets to mention that her twin is not alive (he does not have a physical body). She would have never been able to create this large following if she would have been transparent about this, people love her work because the message is simple and she claims it’s what brought her into union so that must mean that it works.

Except that most of us have to deal with our twin in the physical and that means dealing with your twin’s ego too. It is a completely different path of initiation with it’s own complex challenges, but when your twin is not alive you don’t have to deal with the initiations of the physical path. You don’t have to deal with being blocked, new lovers, a new or previous spouse or unexpected pregnancies and so on. But you don’t see that when you are blindly chasing union, you are just looking for the golden key that is going to unlock your union.

And that is why I tell you this journey just simply is NOT about union. I know it’s not what you want to hear. I know it’s not sexy and it doesn’t sell – but it’s the truth.

Union is the bait, to get you to do the work. But you have to do the work, which means working with healers and investing in yourself. When you do that work, union will come by itself because it will show you all the ways that YOU were not aligned to that union to begin with. Remove those dis-alignments and you will find yourself suddenly deeply aligned and manifesting your deepest heart’s desire in your physical reality.

If you are ready to do the work, both my online program in the Twin Flame Tribe and my one on one Soul Embodiment™ Therapy can help you make the next step on your Twin Flame journey. It’s making deep energetic shifts like I have shared from my own journey, that create deep shifts in our life and Twin Flame connection.

After remembering this past life, I fully understand why I could not be in a harmonious romantic relationship with my twin or anyone else for that matter until this was released. Unlike most Western couples or couples living near to each other, my twin and I would have always been right on top of each other 24/7 from the beginning when we come together as a couple.

This subconscious wound would have created a lot of friction between us. But as you can see it wouldn’t have even allowed us to be together, because as long as my twin is in the feminine polarity he will not take back his power over his life and stand up for what he wants.

As long as I was in the masculine polarity due to this past life trauma, my twin would be forced into the feminine polarity which I so desperately wanted him to shift out of.

I pray that sharing this example with you inspires you to dig deep in your own journey, to see the underlying causes of your own separation and disharmony in your life. The Twin Flame journey is not a waiting game, it’s a spiritual initiation that forces you to face all your subconscious fears and false beliefs in order to return home to the Oneness within.

Once you have reached this Oneness within, you will experience this Oneness without in your physical reality and until you do especially your romantic relationships will reflect this back to you.