In this Soul teaching on the Twin Flame Connection you will learn:
- Why the Twin Flame connection is a Soul initiation into unconditional love
- How you are unwittingly sabotaging your Twin Flame journey
- Why chasing ‘union’ is THE REASON why you are stuck in your Twin Flame connection
- How your wounded inner masculine & feminine are wreaking havoc in your Twin Flame connection
- And more…
Life is our Ascension or Mystery School and our Soul is our initiator! The Soul Initiations series is a collection of Soul Teachings on the various Soul Initiations we can be led through in our current incarnation. To be initiated by our Soul means to cross a threshold, going from one state of being to another. These initiations serve to bring us to the next evolution of our Soul journey and the embodiment of the truth of who we truly are on a Soul level.
Often these initiations require a period of time in the unknown. They bring a sense of uncertainty as we go into uncharted territory. A period where we instinctively feel that we cannot go back to the way things were, but we also don’t know yet how things will be in the new reality we are birthing. Like Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, we venture into a no man’s land (the initiatory realm) to journey back into the world forever changed by our experiences. As we cross the threshold, it is clear that things will never be the same again. We are asked to walk blindfolded into a whole new world and a whole new way of being, trusting the path our Soul has put us on.
Soul initiations come in different areas of our lives and in different moments within our Soul journey. The various teachings in this Soul Initiation series, offer you the Soul’s perspective on these initiations and how going through them as messy and as painful as it can feel, serves your personal growth and spiritual evolution. In the end, these are processes happening for you, meant to bring you to the next level in your Soul journey and help you strip away all that is not the truth of who you are. They are an invitation to let go of all your ego’s misunderstandings, false beliefs, and false self-identifications to bring you face-to-face with your true self. Each Soul initiation helping you reclaim yet another piece of your wholeness.
Forget everything that you have learned about Twin Flames
Most of the Twin Flame information you read online is highly incorrect whether it’s the energy forecasts that are forever keeping you chasing ‘union’ aka a romantic outcome with your twin or the so-called Twin Flame teachings that barely scratch the surface of the Twin Flame dynamic of which much is a regurgitation of what was already said before.
Even when they get the ‘what’ right, the how is missing or incorrect.
I should know because I used to own one of the biggest Twin Flame websites out there and had over 350 students in my Twin Flame program from 2017 to 2021. This is when I decided to pivot my work away from the Twin Flame journey to focus on where the Twin Flame journey is meant to bring us – into our own sovereignty, instead of endlessly stuck chasing our tails.
After a 2,5 year break from writing about Twin Flames, I am back with this new teaching on the Twin Flame connection as a Soul initiation into unconditional love. I could not have come to where I am today without first letting go of my Twin Flame work, this is because you can only get where I am now by relinquishing the connection with your twin completely.
These past years, since I pivoted away from working with Twin Flames have allowed me to discover the Soul path aspect of our Soul journey, explore the wounded inner masculine & feminine archetypes (see Healing the masculine & feminine series), and deepen the magic of my medicine as well as train others to use the Soul Embodiment® Therapy method, through the certification program that I run once a year.
Romance or spiritual growth?
Now the time has come to weave it all back together. This Soul teaching on Twin Flames is imbued with all the wisdom I acquired by pushing past the broken Twin Flame paradigm, which tends to be a very myopic view of this Soul connection.
Instead, by taking distance from it all, I have seen the bigger picture of how the Twin Flame connection fits into the greater context of our Soul journey. This is a much-needed perspective that is often missing in Twin Flame discourse, which is so hyper-focused on achieving a romantic outcome with the twin as the ultimate goal.
In the Twin Flame arena, there tend to be two camps the one chasing union and the other saying it’s only a spiritual path. I don’t think they are mutually exclusive, but I do think that chasing union with your twin doesn’t work. It doesn’t get you the end result you want. I also find that the people in the spiritual path camp often have no idea how to consolidate their Twin Flame journey as a spiritual path, often leaving them just as much lost in their journey as the chasers.
I believe the Twin Flame journey can be both a romantic as well as a spiritual path that accelerates your Ascension aka self-realization process, but most importantly I can give you the actual tools to successfully navigate your Twin Flame connection as opposed to the industry’s non-solutions.
Having spent over a decade in the Twin Flame community on both sides, as a facilitator and as someone navigating their own journey I am going to give you an insider’s perspective that will help you bust through the illusions and cut out the noise so that you can finally move forward in your life.
Way too many people are stuck in limbo land within their Twin Flame connection because of the lack of real solutions being offered.
The blind leading the blind
The reason why much of the Twin Flame information is flawed at best if not completely false in many cases is because every Twin Flame mentor, teacher, healer, or coach is on the Twin Flame journey themselves projecting their own often unfulfilled desire for Twin Flame union on their work.
Even those who claim to be in a Twin Flame union tend not to have the union they dream of behind closed doors. Being together with your twin is not the same as being in union with your Twin Flame. In fact, being together with your twin before you truly come into union can be extra challenging because of the nature of this connection, which I will explain further on.
The fact that the biggest site on Twin Flames is run by someone who is in union with her twin, a historical figure who she has never met in real life as he was dead before she was even born, says it all. This is not what most people understand to be a Twin Flame union.
If you have been in the Twin Flame industry as long as I have you know that so-called Twin Flame unions come and go. Some Twin Flame facilitators have a long list of ex-twins (no, that is not a thing it just means they were wrong multiple times about a person being their Twin Flame), which makes it iffy that this person suddenly is the real deal.
We also know that not everyone who claims to be in union or is offering so-called Twin Flame teachings is trustworthy, there is a whole Netflix documentary on such a cult leader couple that dragged the Twin Flame concept through the mud because of their distorted ‘teachings’.
The end result is a lot of fairy-tale over-romanticization of the Twin Flame connection, spiritual falsehoods, and personal disappointments being woven into what is out there on this subject.
Not to mention plain wounding that perpetuates feeling superior; think of the 144.000 ‘true’ Twin Flame concepts, nonsense such as the darkness trying to keep Twin Flames apart because of their light (ugh people please), or the often toxic rivalry with a twin’s ‘karmic’ aka current significant other.
A wounded collective
Only a handful of my clients and students were willing to follow me, the rest left because they really only wanted to figure out a way to force a romantic outcome with their person. With the Twin Flame no longer being part of the equation, they weren’t that motivated to continue to work on themselves.
I see this even more within the Twin Flame collective. Many Twin Flames are willing to literally and figurately hurt themselves or others to get what they want. I always say that most Twin Flames would eat grass or drink poison if they thought this would get them together with their person.
This is because the level of wounding within the Twin Flame collective is extremely high with a lot of addiction problems, all kinds of mental health issues, psychiatric conditions as well as medication, and so on.
In severe cases, I have seen this lead to restraining orders for continuing to cross boundaries, psychiatric hospitalization due to psychosis, and mothers losing custody over their children because the obsession with their Twin Flame had them spiral out of control. I also know of people committing or attempting suicide because they thought they had lost their person and didn’t want to live anymore if that was the case.
Not to mention all the people merely projecting the Twin Flame label onto dysfunctional and even toxic relationships because of their unresolved childhood wounding that makes distorted expressions of love (read painful love) seem familiar and attractive because it feels like ‘home’.
At the same time, many people who believe to be on the Twin Flame journey are not interested in their own healing because deep down they believe that their life and happiness depend on being with their person.
Because their focus is 24/7 on the object of their obsession (and I don’t use that word lightly – the twin energy can easily become your drug of choice) they are only interested in what will get them together with their twin often not caring who they hurt in the process. This is also true for Twin Flame service providers who tend to not invest in their own healing, even when this is the type of service they offer.
The majority of the so-called healers in the Twin Flame industry are in fact psychics, but being a psychic and helping people heal don’t necessarily go hand in hand. Plus, because these people often don’t work on their healing their own trauma filter can get in the way of them seeing clearly for their clients.
Many Twin Flames struggle with setting appropriate boundaries
There are of course also many charlatans that string their clients along from session to session.
One of the reasons psychics are so popular among Twin Flame chasers is because they are believed to be able to remotely spy on the runner twin and be able to give the chaser behind-the-scenes information that they would otherwise not know.
This can and sometimes does go terribly wrong when the psychic encourages the chaser to keep hope when the so-called runner twin has been very clear that they want no contact.
And don’t even get me started about how many people find themselves in an active affair with a married person, justifying helping them cheat on their spouses because this is their Divine Counterpart. It is such a common scenario that the Twin Flame not pursuing the connection is otherwise engaged with someone else.
Whether cheating is morally wrong or not is not even the question here, it’s that an emotionally mature person ends their relationship before they start a relationship with someone else. Unless they are not intending to end their primary relationship at all and they are just looking for somethin-somethin on the side. Why would you put up with that?
When your boundaries have been crossed and violated as a young child, it can be very difficult later in life to assert boundaries to protect yourself and your children for example.
An ex-client of mine would go to Ayahuasca ceremonies because it would get whom she believed to be her twin who was engaged to another woman horny and call her for phone and video sex. The fact that this man had expressed that he wanted to have sex with her then-nine-year-old daughter did not change the fatal attraction thing she had going on with him.
To be fair, he had no access to the child as he was in a different country but for most mothers, this would be an absolute dealbreaker if their (potential) partner expressed sexual interest in their child. To her, this wasn’t a red flag, she continued to pursue him and try to get him back.
It’s heartwrenching to see people in very dysfunctional and even toxic partnerships mistaking severely boundary-crossing behavior or downright abuse as belonging to the Twin Flame dynamic. Even if this person is truly your Twin Flame you should ask yourself if this is someone that you can be in a relationship with. Don’t you deserve better?
The problem with spiritualizing this kind of connection is that it becomes a justification to hold onto a relationship that does not serve you and that potentially may even hurt you and those you love directly or indirectly through your own suffering for example. The danger that lurks in these kinds of situations is that by declaring this connection Divine you tell yourself that this is fated or predestined which keeps you trying to make it work long after you probably should.
This is why so many people shy away from the Twin Flame label
Anyone who has ever spent a hot minute in groups where Twin Flames gather can tell you that the level of toxicity and dysfunction tends to soar there, which makes many a person want to distance themselves from the Twin Flame concept altogether.
Meeting your Twin Flame can make you feel crazy enough because of the inexplicable connection and intensity you feel with this person, all the craziness within the so-called Twin Flame collective can actually be very off-putting to those who truly find themselves on this journey.
If this is you, just remember as this concept has gained traction and replaced the concept of Soulmates it has attracted many people looking for so-called perfect love, who aren’t necessarily on the Twin Flame journey. They are merely projecting the Twin Flame label on their current romantic interest. It’s best to avoid big Twin Flame groups as they rarely have anything other to offer but recognition and knowing that you’re not the only one going through this.
Projecting unrealistic expectations of love onto potential partners
There are so many people out there who believe that they are onto twin number four or five because they project an unrealistic expectation of love on every love interest they meet.
But the truth is that a Twin Flame connection can’t be manifested or found, nor should it be seen as the epitome of romantic love because the harsh reality is that for most people it isn’t, due to the purpose of the connection.
Paradoxically, it will also never be able to become the romantic connection one so deeply desires as long as that is the driving force behind your thoughts and actions.
It is basic Law of Attraction, you can never have what you cling to because the intensity of your desires pushes the very thing you want away from you.
The Twin Flame union fallacy
Because Twin Flame union SELLS many a Twin Flame mentor, teacher, healer, or coach will pretend to be in Twin Flame union to sell their products and services. But after having been on the Twin Flame journey for over a decade now, I can tell you that many of these so-called unions have already fallen apart or will fall apart in the future.
The whole reason why terms such as false Twin Flame or catalyst twin exist and all the other shades of grey that have been invented to call someone who you believed to be your twin but then turned out not to be, is to be able to save face when those relationships inevitably collapse.
I am not saying that Twin Flame union doesn’t exist or isn’t possible, I am saying it’s not necessarily the point of the Twin Flame connection. But it is what almost everyone on the Twin Flame journey wants, which is why it is the golden carrot that Twin Flame service providers use to market and sell their products and services.
This makes those people frustrated that their Twin Flame connection is not working out (roughly 98% of the Twin Flame collective) eager to buy and try every quick fix out there not realizing that BECAUSE this is a Soul initiation there are no shortcuts to the process.
It reminds me of this Paulo Coelho quote from one of my favorite books the Alchemist.
And what went wrong when other alchemists tried to make gold and were unable to do so?”
“They were looking only for gold his companion answered. They were seeking the treasure of their personal legend, without wanting actually to live out the personal legend.”
These Twin Flame seekers want to be in union with their person, without becoming the person they need to be to have the union and the happily ever after they so deeply desire. This is how many people continue to obsess over their Twin Flames for years on end, never coming any closer to the union they so deeply desire.
Another way of seeing this is that they are trying to make a 3D relationship out of a 5D connection, and that might not be very clear if you still think 3D is down here and 5D is up there. The whole point of the Ascension journey, which the Twin Flame journey is a fast-track to is to manifest 5D consciousness in the 3D physical reality, aka Soul Embodiment.
Your happiness does not depend on union with your Twin Flame
Some Twin Flames are able to do this process together but that is only a small percentage that needs to be up close and personal to trigger their subconscious wounding. Many of the clients I have supported while being together with their twins, faced challenges and are often not together with their person anymore because being together brought constant drama for them.
So many of my Twin Flame clients are in happy healthy relationships now with someone else because they healed the parts of themselves that the Twin Flame connection triggered or that made them a magnet for distorted or even toxic love.
I think one of the biggest lies being perpetuated within the Twin Flame collective is the idea that you can only ever be happy if you are together with your Twin Flame or that no one can love you as your Twin Flame does. I know so many people who are in much better relationships now with a new partner than they ever were with their Twin Flame.
Be careful of black-and-white thinking here because I am absolutely not saying that being together with the Twin Flame is not the point or won’t work out in the long run. I am merely saying that your Twin Flame is NOT your only shot at relationship bliss.
If for whatever reason you can’t be together with your twin, it doesn’t have to mean that your life is over which I know is how many of you can feel when you are in Twin Flame separation or when your person doesn’t seem to feel the same way about you, or perhaps even knows you exist.
But the truth is, that it’s those feelings of desperation that are pulling you into your own healing.
Let me explain why.
The biggest struggle within your Twin Flame connection
The best piece of insight I can give you when it comes to your Twin Flame connection and the inevitable struggles you experience within your connection is to understand that it’s not your connection or relationship that needs fixing.
Twin Flame connections and relationships are so intense because they are meant to help us become aware of our subconscious wounding.
They have an intense purifying effect on both parties within the connection (even if you can’t yet see the evidence of this in your person’s life) that helps us bring up our subconscious wounds from this lifetime including childhood, our ancestral lineages, our past lives and on a Soul path level before we took human form.
This is because the Twin Flame journey is a fast track to Ascension. On a Soul path level, we use trauma to densify our energy fields from light beings into physical or human beings, which is why we need to release this trauma to de-densify (ascend) from physical beings back into light beings.
Read the Soul Path Series, to better understand the Soul journey we have been on since our split from Source. In it, I explain the descending and ascending arc of the incarnation process throughout the different stages of our Soul journey.
Ascension demands our active participation
I hate to break it to you but neither the movement or placements of the planets, nor the Schumann resonance and the solar flares are going to do your Ascension for you. That is fake news. Yes, external influences might help to access our deeply repressed emotions more in-depth or more easily but only if we follow up and do the actual leg work of facing and releasing them.
If you are waiting for Ascension to happen for you, you are in for a long wait because we need to be active participants in the process to prepare our physical vessels to hold the higher frequency of our Souls. Aka Soul Embodiment which is part of the Ascension process, that activates and strengthens our light body, which we need in place to break the cycle of death and rebirth.
The Twin Flame connection accelerates this process as it helps trigger all the lower (dense) frequency emotions, that you were not even aware of carrying in your vibrational field. These dense or lower-frequency emotions are the emotions that are typically connected to unresolved trauma; think of fear, grief, anger, resentment, hatred, guilt, shame, shock, etc.
It’s all about your unresolved trauma
The very nature of trauma is based on something that we were not able to process the moment it happened and that we suppress instead to ensure our survival whether physically, mentally, or emotionally.
For many people on the Twin Flame journey, this can be somewhat of a mind-twister because we often don’t remember our traumatic experiences. In fact, even the traumatic experiences we remember happening rarely mean that we have revisited and released the traumatic unresolved emotions we still carry from those experiences.
The Twin Flame gift to each other is to trigger these unresolved experiences and the pain we carry around them once and for all. This is why you should not address your Twin Flame struggles as relationship struggles, but rather see it as your own unresolved pain being purged out BECAUSE that pain keeps you out of being able to embody unconditional love.
Just think about it fear, grief, anger, resentment, hatred, guilt, shame, shock, and similar emotions keep you vibrating at a lower frequency than the frequency of your Soul which is unconditional love.
You can’t bypass this aspect of the connection
A word of warning here for the high-vibe tribe, you cannot raise your vibrational frequency in a truly significant way without removing the unresolved emotions you are still carrying. Also, don’t be afraid that acknowledging or feeling these emotions will bring more pain or misfortune in your life because it won’t.
Leaving these unresolved emotions in your subconscious is much more detrimental because it is our subconscious that creates our reality.
Because our unresolved trauma is part of our karmic load read this Soul teaching on the Truth about Karma and this teaching on Reincarnation to understand why this is so, the Twin Flame connection acts as a karmic cleanse for both parties.
Being together romantically often doesn’t facilitate this purge or cleanse, plus it might become too intense for both parties which is why most Twin Flame connections go through different phases of separation and no contact to help facilitate this process and to protect the connection.
Chasing a romantic outcome or running from psychic to psychic whether free or paid to find out when your twin will be back does not help expedite union, it keeps you stuck chasing your tail. Because it keeps you from addressing the real reason why your blissful happily ever after is eluding you and will continue to elude you until you address the root causes of your own subconscious unresolved pain and trauma.
This stuff has to go if you want to be together or even have the relationship that you dream of with someone else. You can’t be tripping over your subconscious wounds left and right and have these higher frequency unions, these require lots of inner work which goes much deeper than getting Reiki done or your chakras aligned.
I dare say that 99% of the solutions available in the Twin Flame industry are non-solutions simply because they don’t go deep enough or don’t actually address the real issues that need to be addressed.
Seriously, your union is not being blocked by black magic spells from his ‘karmic’, entities, demons, or the dark forces that are keeping you apart because they are attacking your light. This is all nonsense that is keeping you from addressing the true root causes of the struggles and challenges in your life.
In fact, until you have sufficiently healed your (subconscious) shadows you haven’t even begun to fully be able to step in your light.
A Soul initiation into unconditional love
The Twin Flame connection is a Soul initiation into unconditional love in all ways. This is because it forces you to strip back everything that is keeping you from embodying the frequency of unconditional love that you are on a Soul level. All these subconscious trauma emotions that we talked about before are keeping you from experiencing the unconditional love that you truly are.
At the same time the Twin Flame connection forces you to learn to love unconditionally as well, which is not always easy especially when your Twin Flame relationship is not taking the form that you want it to or when your twin decides to be with someone else and maybe even starts a family with this other person. Loving someone unconditionally means loving them despite not getting what you want most from them.
If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.”
― Kahlil Gibran
When it comes to the Twin Flame journey, your love is likely going to be severely tested whether internally by your twin or externally by the world when your family or society challenges your connection think of for example same-sex relationships that are not accepted by others or relationships that are culturally not seen as acceptable and so on.
What unconditional love is not…
Quite often people think that they already love their person unconditionally:
- Because they keep forgiving their person no matter how much they have hurt them.
- Because they give and give and then give some more.
- Because they are willing to do everything to have this person be by their side.
- And so on…
But this is not unconditional love, this is fawning (people pleasing) which is a childhood trauma response that we have adopted as a survival mechanism.
You see as cliche as it may seem unconditional love has to start with ourselves and only when we can love from a place of self-love can we start to extend this unconditional love to other people.
Until then any attempt to love another unconditionally automatically leads us to betray ourselves through lack of boundaries, overgiving, and sacrificing our own needs the very same way we did in our childhoods to please and appease our abusive or demanding parents.
That is not love, it’s fear.
Our subconscious imprinting around love
You don’t need to have been beaten, sexually abused, or have a narcissistic parent to have childhood trauma. Even within the most normal families, trauma occurs and when it does it can distort our perception of what love is supposed to look like.
For example, being the golden child can be as stressful and even traumatizing as being the black sheep within the family as it can feel very demanding to always have to live up to a parent’s high expectations.
Nine times out of ten, we continue to play out these wounds in our love life and intimate relationships.
Heck, even when our parents love us dearly we might not recognize this as such because of different love languages. Many a child has grown up convinced their parent didn’t love them enough or as much as another sibling because of either conflicting love languages or because of childhood, ancestral, or past life experiences that have made them believe that they are unlovable.
It’s these subconscious imprints around love from the different timelines of the past that make us willing to hang ourselves out to dry to be able to secure or keep someone else’s love, even when their behavior towards us is anything but loving.
What we feel toward this person is then also not love. It’s fear of loss, it’s dependency (mental, emotional, or physical), it’s fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, and the fear of yet another person proving how worthless or unlovable we deep down fear we are.
This kind of wounded love will not fly in these higher-frequency relationships, it has to be purged out to come to true love and this kind of love cannot co-exist with fear – it transcends it.
Ego love vs. Soul love
People in a Twin Flame connection often confuse ego love with Soul love which is another way to look at fear-based ‘love’ (which is not actual love) in comparison to the real deal, true or unconditional love.
They think that because this is such a deep soul connection that they share with their person, this means that their Soul wants them to be together.
In some cases, they even believe that they share the same soul. Whether you indeed share the same soul or not, doesn’t mean that you can impede on the other’s free will nor does it mean that you are destined to be in a romantic relationship with this person. No matter how much you desperately desire this outcome.
The part of you that so desperately desires this is your ego or personality, it needs this outcome to be happy, prove its worth, feel loved, and so on. The Soul doesn’t need to be together with this person. If you do end up together, it’s because the Soul wants to be together and because it serves a higher good one way or the other.
The part of you that is frantically trying to make a romantic relationship happen, is the ego being driven by all of its subconscious wounds that make you believe that the ONLY way that you will ever be happy. worthy or whatever is when you can be together with this person. That’s not love, it’s bargaining or a trade-off and the underlying frequency driving this is fear.
This is a fear-distorted perception of love and when we are in this frequency we cannot be in the frequency of unconditional love nor can we manifest an unconditionally loving partnership when we are in such a frantic emotional frequency state.
You can’t fake it until you make it
We also can’t just snap our fingers to come out of this state, even if we would manage this temporarily it wouldn’t last. In the long run, our deeper programming (past life, ancestral, and childhood) would rear its ugly head again because it is gnawing at us on the inside even when we consciously believe we have already dealt with the past and have learned to love ourselves along the way.
This might even be true to a certain extent but this work also comes in layers and the majority of humanity has simply not gone deep enough in their healing process which is why most intimate relationships are based on fear and bargaining instead of actual true love.
True and unconditional love knows no fear, it loves fearlessly leaving the object of its love free to come and go as it pleases, wanting nothing but the other person’s happiness WITHOUT sacrificing themselves and their needs in the process. It is an equal balance of give and take in perfect balance and harmony. It does not give to get, which is how ego love works.
The pathway to the Fifth dimension is through the heart. It’s like a portal. It’s in the heart chakra that we shift from the paradigm of fear into the paradigm of love, from 3D to 5D.
Because the Twin Flame connection is a 5D Soul connection we have to learn to love the 5D way which is why this is an initiation into unconditional love that requires us to heal our wounds around love not only from this lifetime and our ancestral lineage but from our past lives and on a Soul path level where our deepest wounds around love were created in our split from Source and what we made this mean about ourselves.
Healing your inner masculine & feminine template
To unlock our heart chakra which is where we transcend the fear-based ego love associated with the three lower chakras of survival (root), sexuality (sacral), and power, fame, or glory (solar) into unconditional love we must balance our own inner masculine and feminine within ourselves.
Throughout human history, our relationships have served to survive, procreate, and increase our power fuelled by the lower three chakras.
Now we are ready to have heart chakra-based love relationships and Twin Flames are the souls bringing in these new love templates that have to be unlocked inside ourselves first through our own purging and cleansing process. Only when we can embody these higher love templates ourselves have we fulfilled our mission in bringing in this new era of unconditional love.
Because most Twin Flames are stuck in a loop chasing their tales (this so-called Twin Flame union), they have not been able to unlock unconditional love in themselves nor have they been able to ground these new love templates in their communities and the world.
Many of them are even erroneously waiting for their twin to get their act together so that they can ‘fulfill their mission’ together and this is due to the body of false and distorted Twin Flame teachings out there that keep people stuck for years chasing fata morganas (illusions).
The inner battle of the sexes
One of the deepest programmings in our psyche is our inner feminine and masculine aspects and how they relate. We all have an inner feminine and an inner masculine aspect of the self within us, no matter how we identify or who we are sexually attracted to.
Carl Jung named them our Anima and Animus, representing our feminine and masculine.
As humans, we all carry wounding within our masculine and feminine template from our Soul Path experiences when we split the masculine and feminine to be able to incarnate into physical beings and experience duality.
On a Soul level, we are both masculine and feminine in perfect balance and harmony. This split of the masculine and feminine within ourselves led to the start of the battle of the sexes that first gave us matriarchal societies and later the patriarchy.
Many spiritual people believe that a matriarchal society is better than the patriarchy but both are flawed in their own way. One could even argue that matriarchal societies are a tad worse because as I have explained in the Soul teaching on the wounded feminine, husbands and fathers in matrilineal societies are left with even less power than women and especially mothers have within patrilineal societies.
Rather than the one sex subjugating the other, our 5D future is embodying our Soul blueprint of the masculine and the feminine in perfect balance and harmony which is exactly what happens when we unlock our heart chakras.
‘The Anahata or Heart chakra is associated with love. It is the meeting place for the divine masculine and divine feminine forces where they can exist in perfect balance. Anahata is represented by a lotus flower with twelve petals inside of which is a six-pointed star made of two intersecting triangles (the Shatkona or Star of David) that depicts the union of Purusha and Prakrititi / Shiva and Shakti / Male and Female – the source of all creation.’ Source: soultree.co.nz
Our deeply imprinted patriarchal conditioning
What stops us from embodying the divine feminine and masculine within ourselves is the patriarchal conditioning that keeps us in the wounded yin & yang state of the feminine and the masculine.
Not only did we inherit this programming through our ancestral lineage, but we also carry eons and eons of past life trauma from both female as well as male lives under the patriarchy. Not to mention our current life programming through our families of origin, our culture and religions as well as the society we grew up in.
Most countries outside the West are still deeply patriarchal despite our modern times and even in Western countries no matter how free and emancipated we think we are, we still subconsciously believe that the masculine is superior to the feminine.
The fact that women still do the lion’s share of the unpaid care work says everything:
‘According to the most recent surveys, (Charmes, 2019) more than three quarters (76.4%) of unpaid domestic care work worldwide is done by women, while 23.6% is done by men. In developed countries, the women’s share is somewhat lower (65%), while in developing and emerging economies, women perform 80.2% of unpaid care.’ Source: freepolicybriefs.org
As long as we subconsciously believe that the masculine is superior to the feminine, we perpetuate the battle of the sexes within ourselves. As long as the battle of the sexes rages within ourselves, we will see it reflected back to us in our day-to-day lives.
If this topic interests you, I highly recommend you read the Healing the Masculine & Feminine series where we go through the different patriarchal wounds that we are all called to heal on the Ascension journey, which the Twin Flame journey is a subpart of.
The wounded masculine & feminine archetypes
It’s the wounded masculine and feminine archetypes that are the parts of us that wreak havoc in our lives and romantic relationships. There are four wounded masculine and feminine archetypes that play out in our lives, that come in pairs with each a masculine and feminine counterpart.
We have the :
- Overbearing Masculine with the Insatiable Feminine
- Collapsed Masculine with the Rigid Feminine
Most Twin Flames have a collapsed inner masculine and a rigid inner feminine playing out in their lives and although we have all four archetypes active within our psyche, we usually have one set more dominant than the other.
The whole runner and chaser dynamic that Twin Flames have going on is the collapsed inner masculine and the rigid inner feminine playing out.
The overbearing inner masculine and the insatiable inner feminine is less common, but when it does happen these are the Twin Flame couples that need to be up close and personal to trigger each other’s subconscious wounds. My guess is that this is only 2% of the Twin Flame collective.
The rest are neither able to embody the masculine nor the feminine, within their connection and within themselves. The rigid inner feminine cannot embody her femininity and has become the pseudo-masculine, while the collapsed inner masculine cannot embody his masculinity and has become the pseudo-feminine. This happens when the masculine goes into the Yin expression and the feminine goes into the Yang expression.
Our own dominant inner masculine is also the template for our romantic love life, if we have a collapsed inner masculine ourselves we will attract romantic partners with a collapsed inner masculine as well because they are the yin to our yang.
A woman with a predominantly rigid inner feminine archetype will not be a good match for a partner with an overbearing inner masculine archetype because they are both yang expressions.
The reason why the archetypes are attracted to the opposite expression of their own archetype, or why they come in fixed pairs is because the yin and yang expressions are the key to each other’s healing.
For example, the rigid inner feminine is prone to rescuing and taking on too much responsibility within her relationships. The collapsed inner masculine on the other hand tends to shirk his responsibilities and be emotionally immature as he suffers from Peter Pan syndrome. But that’s okay because the rigid inner feminine has a Wendy complex.
Their wounding is perfectly in sync and the same is true for the overbearing inner masculine and the insatiable inner feminine who are the masculine and the feminine in excess. Read these separate Soul teachings on the wounded masculine and the wounded feminine to better recognize how these archetypes are playing out in your life and your Twin Flame connection.
There are no quick fixes to these kinds of wounds, it’s not merely a question of putting on a dress and slapping on some lipstick to become more feminine. Nor is it about learning cheat codes to manipulate the other into stepping up and leading something a collapsed inner masculine man finds very challenging.
We have to instead go to the root causes of these wounded archetypes on a childhood, ancestral, past life, and Soul path level to be able to heal them once and for all.
This is why these connections often take decades to come together
You can’t outsmart your Soul and the Divine which is what a lot of Twin Flames try to do when they try to find loopholes to accelerate the ONLY outcome they desire, which is to be together with their twin.
Now that desire is not wrong and it is there and as intense as it is experienced for a reason and that reason is to be able to have the guts to face everything that is keeping us from manifesting such a Divine (5th dimensional) love in our physical (3D) reality.
Because here is the simple truth; we cannot embody unconditional love without unlocking the heart chakra first and we can’t unlock the heart chakra without addressing the underlying reasons why we felt we needed to close it off, to begin with.
The purpose of our Twin Flame connection is to help us find and release the subconscious wounds that keep us tethered to the old 3D paradigm so that we can free ourselves to raise our consciousness and vibrational frequency to enter the 5th dimension and help bring in the New Earth.
Such processes take time, which is why most Twin Flames take years and years to come together. If and when they snap out of trying to force a romantic outcome. But in all honesty, some Twin Flames will never be together with their twin. Some are given a few precious moments before their twin dies and leaves the Earth plane. Some do come together and it is everything that they thought it would always be and others break up and continue their lives with other partners.
I am sorry to tell you that there are no guarantees or ways to ensure a romantic outcome, but I can tell you that the fixation on this romantic outcome is part of the wounding that you are meant to heal in this process.
This is probably not what you want to hear, but it is the truth that no one else is being honest about.
Becoming sovereign
The gift of the Twin Flame journey is not the romantic relationship with the twin, no matter how deeply we desire it to be what we get out of this. Everyone who is telling you otherwise is merely distracting you from what this journey truly has to offer you.
The true gift of this journey is becoming who you were always meant to be and that being is sovereign, it doesn’t depend on any external circumstances or a special kind of love to feel complete.
When the idea of not being able to be with your person makes you tremble and shake and you feel that pit of fear in your stomach, it is actually showing you how much your love is still fear-based. It also shows you how much capacity for growth there still is to learn to love unconditionally. Which means to also be able to love someone even if they aren’t a part of your life.
Many people on the Twin Flame journey want to separate the physical aspect of the journey from the spiritual aspect of the journey, but that is not possible. They go hand in hand, and it is what makes these connections so special. It’s who you become because of meeting your Twin Flame that is the point of this journey and that simultaneously makes you a vibrational match for such a higher frequency union with the Twin Flame or perhaps someone even better.
Yes, I know you can’t imagine anyone better than your Twin Flame but perhaps once you become who you are meant to be you will attract a completely different type of person. One thing is for sure though, holding onto your Twin Flame with white-knuckled fists is what you need to let go of to be able to actually have the romantic outcome you dream of.
This is because the end game of the Twin Flame journey is to become truly sovereign.
You cannot be sovereign while needing external circumstances to be a certain way to feel x, y, or z. You cannot be sovereign and need someone else to feel whole or complete. Your wholeness and completeness can only be found inside yourself.
When it comes down to it the Twin Flame journey is a path to self-actualization and that is what makes it so hard because it forces us out of our comfort zone and into uncharted territory where not many people have gone before us. It is the journey back into oneness with our Soul, which requires us to heal everything that is keeping us out of our wholeness.
Knowing vs. embodying
Having worked with thousands of Twin Flame clients from 2015 to 2021 I know that the level of self-gaslighting and denial is huge because they want to see themselves as already worthy or in alignment with the Twin Flame union they so deeply crave. They want to see themselves as spiritually awakened, ready to receive, and just waiting for their twin to get with the program because it gives them a false sense of control in a situation that they feel utterly helpless and out of control of. It’s a coping mechanism to keep themselves from feeling their deepest fears.
I also know that like all human beings, it’s very difficult to see our blind spots. This is perhaps even more true when the stakes are as high, as it is often felt by those on the Twin Flame journey. It can be very difficult to be brutally honest with ourselves.
I know scores of people who think they are already sovereign because that is how they want to see themselves but that doesn’t make it true. If there is one thing that I have learned over the past three or so years – it’s that knowing something is not the same as being able to embody it.
The fact that we know something doesn’t actually mean we are embodying it.
This is because our conscious mind only creates a sliver of our reality, whereas our subconscious mind creates the rest. When what we believe consciously conflicts with what we believe subconsciously it becomes canceled out. This is because the subconscious mind is infinitely more powerful than the conscious mind.
This is what causes us to not be able to actually embody what we consciously want or believe in because our subconscious mind is not on board.
All of the wounds from various timelines of the past that we have discussed in this Soul teaching are held within our subconscious, where we are often not aware that they are being held or even that they exist.
This is also why our subconscious wounding is in our blind spot because we tend to not access our subconscious consciously very often nor are we able to without the help of someone guiding us.
I am an expert at the work I do with clients, but when it is time to access my own subconscious I book a session with a healer or therapist because we cannot go into the subconscious and stay conscious simultaneously. We cannot be the guide and the one being guided at the same time.
Embodying our sovereignty
The same is true for embodying our sovereignty, sovereignty is a quality of the soul while our subconscious is filled with our ego and personality or better yet our Soul avatar wounding. These subconscious wounds keep us from embodying our Divine or Soul blueprint.
When we heal these different subconscious wounds across all the previous timelines of the past; Soul path, past life, ancestral, current life, and childhood we are free to embody our original Soul blueprint again that simultaneously allows us to embody the corresponding qualities of the Soul that we have discussed such as unconditional love, the masculine & feminine in perfect balance and harmony and our sovereignty, just to name a few.
That my dear one, is the true gift of the Twin Flame journey, whether you get together with your Twin Flame or not. This might still be a hard pill to swallow if all your hope is set on getting a romantic outcome from this experience. But even more importantly we cannot get to the above result without earnestly letting go of the connection first.
As I have said before most Twin Flames are doing what they do including healing with a hidden agenda of manifesting a romantic outcome. I was one of them, as it is simply a part of the journey.
But at some point, we need to evolve out of that limited version of ourselves to truly unleash who we were always meant to be and we can only do so by relinquishing the connection and truly being at peace with not having this person in our lives the way we would like them to be or maybe them not even being a part of our lives at all, for whatever reason.
It’s when we can let go completely that ironically we get access to the wounds that were keeping us apart, to begin with. Although this still may not lead to a romantic outcome with the twin, it does lead to a greater outcome than we initially bargained for – embodying the truth of who we are and living a truly Soul-aligned or even Soul-embodied life.
I pray this Soul teaching has helped you understand the true purpose of the Twin Flame connection and how it is a Soul initiation into unconditional love. If reading this teaching has inspired you to want to know more about your own subconscious wounds playing out in your life you can book a Soulology session. If you are ready to dive right in on healing your subconscious wounds at their root cause you can book a Soul Embodiment® Therapy session.
If you are a healer, coach, or therapist trying to understand the Twin Flame phenomenon for your work with clients I hope this Soul teaching has given you more insight into your client’s challenges and which areas need to be addressed.
When it comes to Twin Flames it is never wise to try to get the client to forget about their person and move on as they will fight you tooth and nail or they may simply never return, to work with you. The truth is that they often feel they can’t leave this person even if they tried, so rather than pull on the connection it is best to work on making the client feel stronger and self-sufficient.
The same as you would with any other client who doesn’t feel strong enough to leave a dysfunctional relationship yet. Twin Flame clients are rarely in physical danger, which means that they are safe and that you can take the time to work on the deeper underlying issues that in the end will set them free.
I have found that the more you work with the client on their personal healing the less they feel this pull toward the Twin Flame. This is because the pull that they feel towards their person, is their own subconscious wounds pulling them into their healing. This is also in line with the purpose of the Twin Flame connection which helps both parties purge old stuck trauma and cleanse any remaining karma.
Did this Soul teaching on the Twin Flame connection resonate?
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With my deepest love,
